Do you love a celebrity? Be honest, is it Ellen DeGeneres? You can admit it. Everyone's being honest here. Ellen, right?
Well, it sucks to burst your fantasy bubble, but Ellen probably doesn't love you as much as you love her. Even if she knew you, she probably wouldn't love you. In fact, when a celebrity is capable of breaking through the many layers of ego they use as personality and actually love something besides their own magnificent stardom, it's usually a massive news story.
But sometimes it's really sweet.
1. Steven Colbert fell in love with Evelyn McGee-Colbert after his (now ex-)girlfriend gave him an ultimatum.
Stephen Colbert returned home to South Carolina in an effort to clear his head. His girlfriend of a couple years had told him it was time to "fish or cut bait," and on the advice of his mom, he realized: bye, fish.
So he went to the theater, and there was his future-wife. At the show's afterparty, their eyes met and they realized they remembered they knew each other from childhood. "We talked for two hours and I was completely taken."
Listen to a fast-talking Colbert try to squeeze the 30 minute story into a seven minute chat with his audience in the clip above. Obviously, he loves to tell the story.
2. Similar to Colbert, Portia de Rossi told Advocate in 2005 about falling for Ellen DeGeneres after falling out of love with her now-ex Francesca Gregorini.
Well. [Sighs, then answers slowly and carefully] There are many different layers to this. I had met Ellen about five years ago, and there was definitely a lot of chemistry between us, but I didn’t allow myself to think of being with her just because of the place I was at. I was still on Ally McBeal and still closeted, and this seemed inconceivable. But I really never stopped thinking about her, because I just haven’t felt that kind of energy with anyone in my life. So there’s that.
I had a great relationship with Francesca. But I just kind of knew deep down in my heart that there was the possibility of something more. And that’s it, really. I think that we really weren’t suited for each other for a long period of time; I think we were [suited] for the time we were together. We have very different backgrounds and interests, and there’s a lot we had to kind of make work. But we still had great respect and love for each other.
Then I ran into Ellen at a photo shoot about a year ago and she took my breath away. That had never happened to me in my life, where I saw somebody and [experienced] all of those things you hear about in songs and read about in poetry. My knees were weak. It was amazing. And it was very hard for me to get her out of my mind after that. And then when I saw her again that night [at the VH1 awards show] we started talking and that’s that. We just were kind of supposed to be together. That’s my side of the story. I really, really hated all the pain I put Francesca through, and I really didn’t want to hurt her. But I just couldn’t ignore the feelings I had for Ellen.
If Ellen and Portia ever break up (just grit your teeth and allow this hypothetical, no matter how much it hurts you), then it would be bad to hear that your girlfriend is going to see an Ellen taping. Ellen is irresistible. Also, it's funny how candid celebrities will be about even the most personal details of their lives, as long as they're given a forum to talk talk talk.
And especially if they get a chance to make an ex feel bad about missing the chance to hitch a ride on the fame-boat.
3. Ryan Reynolds went on a double date as friends with Blake Lively. It was a bad date for the other, non-famous people on the date.
Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively went on the most nightmarish double date imaginable for anyone not named Ryan Reynolds or Blake Lively. Imagine being the lucky person on a date with Blake Lively, only to show up and find yourself—and your date—sitting across from Ryan Reynolds. That sonofabitch Ryan Reynolds explained:
We were buddies then. I remember it was funny because for about a year after Green Lantern had come and gone and all that stuff we were both single. We went on a double date. She was on a date with another guy and I was on a date with another girl. That was the most awkward date for the respective parties, because there was just fireworks coming across.
It was weird at first but we were buddies for a long time. I think it's the best way to have a relationship is to start as friends.
Listen to Reynolds tell the story at 2:48 in the video above.
4. Megan Fox explains the accidental grazing of her leg that led to her husband becoming Brian Austin Green.
When she was 18, Megan Fox starred on some forgotten (Right?) show called Hope & Faith. One day, Brian Austin Green guest starred. The rest reads like encouragement for weird men everywhere, and should not act as your "how-to" guide to meet women. Fox told the New York Times:
Kelly Ripa’s character was kidnapping him for some crazy reason. I didn’t know who he was from ‘90210,’ but I liked him right away. Everyone was around the monitor watching a scene, and Brian accidentally touched my leg. I remember literal electricity shooting through me and out me from every direction. It was like magic.
Men, do not follow the example of Brian Austin Green. (Besides, they're divorced now.) Do not try to "accidentally" touch a woman's leg. Do not touch a woman's leg uninvited. You will not end up marrying Megan Fox.
5. Giselle Bundchen fell in love at the first sight of someone as beautiful as herself.
In 2009, the incredible Bundchen described her first impression of the serial-deflator (sorry, Boston) Tom Brady to the never-more-appropriately-titled Vanity Fair.
I knew right way—the first time I saw him. We met through a friend. The moment I saw him, he smiled and I was like, That is the most beautiful, charismatic smile I’ve ever seen! We sat and talked for three hours. I had to go home for Christmas, but I didn’t want to leave. You know that feeling of, like, you can’t get enough? From the first day we met, we’ve never spent one day without speaking to each other.
To paraphrase: That man, he's as beautiful as I am. I must have him.
In the same year, Tom Brady told Details about getting set up with model (duh) Giselle Bundchen. "This friend told me he knew a girl version of me," he said.
Now if that doesn't ring forth as the most self-centered version of love you've ever heard, you must be a celebrity.
Congrats to the happy couple—no one's bitter.
6. Andrew Garfield's snarky smile met Emma Stone on set.
If you refused to see The Amazing Spider-Man out of some sort of deluded loyalty to Tobey Maguire, you missed out on what must have been some chem-is-try between Andrew Garfield's depiction of Peter Parker and Emma Stone's depiction of Gwen "The other Mary Jane" Stacy.
Said Garfield to MTV:
We got on really well as people, in between [takes]. That was the fun stuff. In between, we’d just mess around, and I felt, 'Ah, this is different.' I wasn’t really aware what was happening in the screen test. She keeps you on your toes, and that wakes you up. That was the beginning.
Those are the days I’d look forward to, you know? For Peter as well, because Peter goes through some horrible stuff in the movie. There’s some joy to be had when experiencing his first love.
The two met on set, and fell for one another faster than a speeding bullet. (That's this franchise, right?)
If that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, THEY'RE BROKEN UP NOW HA HA LOVE IS NOT REAL.
Nah, nah. It's real. Just not for those two.
7. Jada Pinkett Smith was too short to play Will's real life girlfriend. Ah, how much stranger life is than fiction. In the real world, a tall man and a short lady can actually fall in love.
After Will Smith's first marriage left him waiting "for the tow truck to come" as his car-of-love burned to death on the side of the road (this is his own metaphor in a 1996 interview with People), Jada Pinkett Smith became his five-foot-tall tow truck. She was too short for the role of Will's Girlfriend on The Fresh Prince, but they became friends. She told People:
"I helped him understand what happened in his marriage," says Pinkett, who had recently broken up with a boyfriend, "and he helped me see what happened in my relationship. He's become my best friend. There's nothing I can't say to him, nothing I can't share." Smith agrees. "Jada is the first person I've been with willing to accept that it's not always going to be great," he says, "but that's okay."
Later, their friendship turned SUPER HOT. Pinkett Smith sat down with YourTango, telling them:
I met him when I was 19 at an audition for The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. After we had known each other for many years, we went out for dinner one night [with mutual friends] and I saw that he had grown from this lanky kid to this really responsible man. We started courting each other and our friendship turned into romance.
There was also this weird exchange.
And what part of your body does he adore?
That would be my breasts. [Laughs.] And he likes the curve from my torso to my hip.
But what part of her body does Jazzy Jeff adore?
8. Gerard Pique met the love of his life, Shakira, the same way a lot of you guys met your sig-o's.
"The first day was normal, how two people tend to meet, it was a lot of people," he recalled of the time he was part of Shakira's music video for the official world cup song "Waka Waka" filmed in Madrid. "Ever since we began to have more contact and everything happened, like every love story," he explained.
It's a timeless love story: a famous athlete meets a famous singer while filming the bizarre theme song for the 2010 FIFA World Cup. Absolutely classic, just "like every love story."
These people are so beautiful they don't have to make sense.
9. John Legend didn't love Chrissy Teigen right away. How is that possible? Because he is not Human. He is Celebrity.
Filming a music video ("Stereo") in 2006, Teigen walked in on John Legend apparently ironing his underwear in his green room. Importantly, Legend refutes the underwear-ironing, because no one does that. Still, that was the moment they met—not the moment they fell in love. Legend told LA Confidential:
“Not right away,” he says of their love. “I’m more cautious than that. I wasn’t like, ‘This is the woman I’m going to marry’ from day one. For me I’m the kind of person who needs to grow into that feeling. It was probably a couple of years in when I could already see us being together forever.”
Teigen also dished about the evolution of their relationship to ET Online.
I'm not going to lie. We hooked up. [When he went on tour] I left him be himself for a while. The worst thing you can do is try to lock someone like that down early on, then have them think, 'There's so much more out there. I played it cool for a long time. Never once did I ask, 'What are we?' Marriage was never my goal, because I've never been very traditional. I was just happy to be with him.
Chrissy Teigen and John Legend did get married though. Then they gave birth to a million internet comments.
10. Former Kevin "Mr. Britney Spears" Federline gave a brief sound bite about his love for Britney that's as romantic as you'd expect.
Apparently, K-Fed always wanted to be "a father in his 20s," according to USA Today.
I'm not going to say that I planned on falling in love with my wife when my ex-girlfriend was pregnant, but I knew for sure that I'd have one or two children by now. I didn't think I'd have four children, but I love being a young dad with a big family.
Years after their quite public divorce, the Fed told Us Magazine about what attracted him to the most famous singer on the planet.
“That’s what really got my attention,” he recalled of Spears’ Southern charm and “normal life values.” “It got my attention — the loving, caring person behind it all.”
Reasonable, surely. If the real Britney is the one on Instagram, who could possibly blame him for falling in love with the "person behind it [money] all."
What was she thinking, though?