It's summertime, baby! The sun is shining. The surf is high. And the celebs are tweeting from their yachts. We support everyone's freedom to express themselves. But some of these famous people could do themselves, and us, and all of humanity a favor by taking their phones and just tossing them in the ocean. They'd thank us later.
1. Mischa Barton
Oh Mischa, Mischa, Mischa. You were so sweet and innocent, yet rebellious, as Marisa in The OC. And we're glad you're enjoying your life, while also ruminating on weighty issues like systemic racism and police brutality. These are important topics to think about, talk about, and maybe tweet about. But Instagram? In the caption of a selfie of you, an affluent white woman, drinking champagne on a yacht in the French Rivera? Nope.
Toss that phone in the ocean baby! Do it for the cause.
2. Khloé Kardashian
We know you're fiercely loyal to your fam, Khloé. So during THE Kim vs. Taylor fued, after Taylor's pal Chloë Grace Moretz tweeted some not-so-subtle shade at your sister Kim, of course you wanted to come to Kim's defense.
That being said, tweeting an X-rated picture of Moretz's exposed bathing suit area to your two million followers was a super low blow.
Especially because she was able to prove that the picture was not even her.
Khloé, we're sure you're not a miserable, or terrible, person. But social media brings out your dark side.
We have a solution! Your phone. In the ocean. Now.
3. Yoko Ono
Yoko, no doubt you've been through a lot in your lifetime. You've got stories. We'd love to hear them! Tweet about the '60s. Tweet about whatever weird sex stuff we know John was into. But please, stop tweeting stuff like this:
We're glad you quit smoking, and that you've mastered the game of life. Really, we are. But we don't need to hear about how much better you are then us. We already know that.
Instead, throw your phone in the ocean, and then maybe we'll forgive you for breaking up the Beatles. Though we'll never forgive you for these pants.
4. Wiz Khalifa
Wiz, we have gathered that you enjoy weed. No judgment here! Weed is great. That being said…
Have you heard of a diary? It's this blank book where you write down your private thoughts and details about your daily life, things that only you need to know. Then you close the book and put it on a shelf somewhere and forget about it entirely until spring cleaning, when you throw it away. Maybe you should get one of those. Because you'll need something to write in after you throw your phone in the ocean.
5. Adrianne Curry
You're a supermodel who got famous for your looks. And in that arena, you're crushing, winning the first season of America's Next Top Model and going on to become a reality star. But then… this happened.
We can't respond any better than this Twitter user:
Adrianne, you're beautiful. So is the ocean, where you should throw your phone. And also your AR-15, and maybe your fake boobs, if they're causing you pain.
6. Milo Yiannopoulos
Dear Sir, your contributions to Twitter have been many and terrible. They've included baiting the misogyny-fueled Gamergate, as well as establishing the "Milo Yiannopoulos Privilege Grant" scholarship for white men. And most recently you encouraged a barrage of racist Twitter harassment targeting Ghostbusters star Leslie Jones, someone who should not throw her phone in the ocean.
Milo, we were going to tell you to throw your phone in the ocean. But then Twitter banned you for breaching their terms of service. So now we don't have to.
7. Donald Trump
Throwing his phone in the ocean wouldn't make Donald Trump disappear. But the sound of that splash would still be music to the world's ears.
Hillary said it best:
Now let's hear that splash.