When you see a questionable billboard, you take a picture and post it on Instagram with a funny caption. It's what you do. When you want to save money on car insurance, you switch to Geico. It's what you do. (Oh gosh, this wasn't supposed to be a Geico ad, I swear!)
Eliot Glazer, an actor/writer/comedian and the brother of Broad City's Ilana Glazer, recently came across a Los Angeles billboard advertising a website called Squirt.org. The billboard has a photo of two shirtless men with the message "Non-Stop Hookups."
Glazer, who is known for his work on New Girl, Broad City, and Younger, shared a photo of the billboard in question on Instagram. While a one-line caption may have sufficed, he decided to unpack Squirt.org's advertising with commentary that manages to be simultaneously hysterical and informative.
"Dear not-gay-guys of Los Angeles," the post begins. "What's up??? How ARE you?"
He then launches into an intro reminding the "not-gay-guys of Los Angeles" of how insane the world is right now.
Okay, so I know the world is a 😳 crazy 😳 place right now and the war on women is fervent and it is GROSS. And yes, Mel Gibson is BACK IN MOVIES and Netflix has an emancipatory documentary about Chris Brown and white people still think it's cute to sing the "Ignition" remix at karaoke. And the President - an admitted sexual predator clearly in the early stages of dementia - is endorsing Roy Moore, a bicycle-seat-sniffing pedophile who blamed the accusations against him on "liberals, lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgenders, and socialists" LAST WEEK. IN PUBLIC. AT A CHURCH. IN REAL LIFE. ON EARTH.
Then, Glazer proceeds to unpack the billboard's implications–that gay men are all searching for non-stop hookups. As he points out, some gay men also enjoy things like crossword puzzles and wearing shirts.
But I just wanted to poke my head in amid this ~*~crazy holiday madness~*~ and, yes, I know you have to get back to The Grove or whatever, so I'll make it quick: when you see a billboard for a gay hookup website called SQUIRT.ORG, please know that ***NOT ALL GAY GUYS*** are cool with this. We aren't ALL hunting for "nonstop hookups" as if our penises will wilt and fall off if we're not in a CONSTANT state of fucking. Believe it or not, sometimes we DO think about things other than fucking! Some of us like crossword puzzles. Ooh, and naps! And pizza parties! Some of us like astronomy! Others might be seen at a sporting event, museum or perhaps a concert. Some of us get paper cuts every now and then! And some of us even WEAR SHIRTS occasionally, although SQUIRT DOT ORG (brb - I taste bile) (...ok I'm back) would have you think otherwise.
He wants people to realize that gay men are not one-dimensional, and he believes that messages like squirt.org's are toxic.
There really aren't many outlets or soapboxes that seem appropriate for reminding you that we're not all as one-dimensional as the evil gay grandpas behind this creepy billboard and company. This shit is toxic AF and only makes the rest of us look worse by default, so please stop looking at it, k? It could even stick with you on a subconscious level, and you'll absentmindedly give your gay nephew a butt plug for Christmas and YOU WON'T REMEMBER WHERE YOU BOUGHT IT.
Not to mention, as Glazer points out, another, more ubiquitous hookup app for gay men already exists.
Oh, and also, we have Grindr. Seriously, who uses a browser anymore???
k byeeeee &🎄HAPPY HOLIDAYS!🎄
So next time you see an ad for squirt.org (which you very well might because your browser just read the phrase a bunch of times while you were reading this article), please remember that stereotyping can be very toxic. And also remember that Eliot Glazer would never dress like one of the dudes from the billboard. ;)