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Unless you've been living under a rock inside a cave on another planet, by now you know that Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez are an item. Yep, J. Lo and A-Rod. J-Rod. Alennifer Ropez. Whatever. It's on. And, of course, people want to know all the deets! So Monday on her show, Ellen DeGeneres tortured Jennifer Lopez with all sorts of questions about how the couple met.

After a bit of small talk, Ellen gets right to the point, saying "Let's talk about Alex, I'm very excited for you."

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Ellen continues, asking, "Where did you meet and how did this happen? Tell us all about it. It's really important for us to know."

Looking like she'd love to bop Ellen right in the face (but in, like, a friendly way), Lopez implores the audience, "You guys don't want to hear about all this." To which the audience responds with cheers and applause. So yeah, I guess they want to hear about it. Duh.

So here's what happened: Jennifer Lopez was at a restaurant. Alex Rodriguez walked in. She finished her meal (soup and salad), and saw him outside, where she tapped him on the shoulder and said "Hi Alex." He responded, "Hi, Jennifer." And that's about all Ellen managed to get out of Jennifer Lopez about the their relationship. Oh, except we also learned: "Mama don't sleep over on the first date." (Mama is Jennifer Lopez in that statement, in case that's not clear.)

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And then Ellen finally put poor Lopez out of her misery (because boy howdy, J.Lo did not want to talk about her new relationship) by having someone dressed in a Yankees uniform jump out of that side table that she always hides people in, and scare the unsuspecting Lopez.

All right, Lopez, you're off the hook. THIS TIME.