The first celebrity caught on Ashley Madison is very satisfying.

The first celebrity caught on Ashley Madison is very satisfying.
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As great as the headline is, the real schadenfreude is in the details found in his profile.

The first celebrity caught on Ashley Madison is very satisfying.

On April 25, Josh Duggar helped lead the Family Research Council's "March for Marriage," in Washington before going home to see if his cheating profile had any messages. (via)

(This is now Part 1 of Josh Duggar's Second-Worst Week Of 2015. Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.)

After ascending to fame on the back of his family's very conservative and productive breeding practices, Josh Duggar became executive director of the Family Research Council in 2013, a right-wing lobby dedicated to fighting gays and their desire to participate in marriage, which the FRC believes is the building block of civilization.

Related: In (dis)honor of Ashley Madison, here's the best of partners caught cheating on other networks.

It's a good thing he already had to quit in May for molesting four of his sisters and another girl when he was a teenager, because they probably wouldn't have looked too kindly on his having paid almost $1000 to maintain a profile on adultery dating website AshleyMadison.com for over two years.

His cheating bills apparently went to his grandmother Mary's house, where his wife gave birth to their first child, and where his sister and her husband now live.

The first celebrity caught on Ashley Madison is very satisfying.

Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross. (via Gawker)

This was revealed by Gawker, where writers are presumably pouring over the leaked data to try to find all the stories they can to replace the memory of that time they outed a random guy for cheating on his wife with a male prostitute this summer. I'm not complaining. Consider your stink washed in my book, Gawker, because these details are amazing. Here, for example, are some of the agonizingly boring sex acts Josh Duggar sought outside the marriage:

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“Conventional Sex,” "Experimenting with Sex Toys,” "One-Night Stands,” “Open to Experimentation,” “Gentleness,” “Good With Your Hands,” Sensual Massage,” “Extended Foreplay/Teasing,” “Bubble Bath for 2.” 

And here are some of his turn-ons (which basically translate to "please be a human female"):

“A Professional/Well Groomed,” “Stylish/Classy,” “Casual Jeans/T-shirt Type,” “Muscular/Fit Body,” ”Petite Figure,” “Tall Height,” “Short Height,” “Long Hair,” ”Short Hair.”

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Aside from one-night stands, I don't see how you couldn't get that at home after you've already convinced a woman to buy your "stay home and reproduce a lot" sales pitch. But enough about me reassuring my wife reading this that everything is great (hi, honey), let's talk about the best part: the fact that when he started a second account for his new life as a political activist in Washington D.C., he paid a $250 refundable "affair guarantee" that said he'd get his money back if he didn't successfully cheat within three months.

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The first celebrity caught on Ashley Madison is very satisfying.

I thought you believed in traditional cheating, Josh. The hard way. At a bar. (via Gawker)

Given that 95% of the users were actually men, with almost all of the women on the site being fake accounts, it's likely safe to say Duggar just didn't want the hassle of asking for that money back. Plus, he canceled his accounts in May 2015, which probably-not-coincidentally was when his whole touching-kids past came out. He probably thought "this is not a good time to cheat on my wife. Not like before, when it was definitely a good idea. Man, I'm so smart."

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For more details on how Gawker is sure this is Josh Duggar, as well as more of his turn-ons, desired sex acts, and private messages, check out their full story.

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