So many books for children come out each year that publishers have to find a way to stand out somehow. A shortcut to that is celebrity. And yet, what's the purpose of children's books written by famous people? Kids don't really know who these celebrities are. Here are some of the most baffling kids' books by famous people.
1. Tori Spelling, Presenting… Tallulah.
It doesn't seem like the kind of people who would follow Spelling's career outside of Beverly Hills, 90210—people who watch her various reality shows based around puns on her name—would be real big on childhood literacy. Tallulah is about a fancy rich girl who does whatever she wants. So, you know, Tori Spelling. Or Eloise.
2. Bethenny Frankel, Cookie Meets Peanut.
Kids don't know what Real Housewives is. But real housewife Bethenny Frankel is all about empire-building, which means people must have bought this book because they also liked Frankel's low-calorie Skinnygirl wine. The story itself is about a lap dog who must deal with not being the center of attention when "Mommy" gets a new accessory: a real human baby.
3. Will Smith, Just the Two of Us.
Smith (well, some editors) took his 1997 cover/interpolation of the 1981 Bill Withers hit "Just the Two of Us," (a tribute to his pre-Jaden and Willow son, Trey) and turned it into a book. The lyrics were slapped over some pictures, and it was done.
4. Jay Leno, If Roast Beef Could Fly.
Imagine a world in which Jay Leno is a boy (really just a shorter adult Jay Leno), retaining his smirky grin, "What a crazy world!" mannerisms, and giant chin. It's probably a perfectly serviceable book for kids, but what six-year-old wants to know about a crazy childhood story from the guy who hosts a show that's on five hours after their bedtime? What six-year-old doesn't prefer Conan anyway?
5. Mario Lopez, Mud Tacos.
The former star of Saved By the Bell and current host of Extra (possibly Access Hollywood?) wrote this book with his sister, Marissa. It's a fond look back at how Mario used to make fake tacos in their backyard out of leaves, worms, and mud. But then they learn to make real tacos, you guys, out of foods. It's the perfect gift for a child who has somehow never heard of tacos.
6. Perez Hilton, The Boy With Pink Hair.
The guy who got famous by drawing penises on celebrities' photos was given money to write a book for children. It's an allegorical tale about being different and being proud of the way you're born, and that's all well and good—noble and important, even. But for someone to buy this book for a child, they would have to know who Perez Hilton was, and if they knew who Perez Hilton was, they'd be aware of the whole drawing penises on photos thing.