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Dieting is already the worst. But imagine being on a diet where you can only eat two things (and neither of those things are pizza, ice cream, Fruit Loops or even fruit). That's Mariah Carey's reality, and she's not happy about it. “It’s really hard. My diet, you would hate it,” the 46-year-old singer kvetched to E! News this week. “All you eat is Norwegian salmon and capers every day. That’s it.”

UMMM, I HAVE QUESTIONS.

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This is the bougiest thing I have maybe ever heard (no surprise, we are talking about Mariah), but it also seems odd. Why only Norwegian salmon and capers? Isn't that a lot of salt? Who recommended this diet? A sea creature?

Plus, what's wrong with adding in some blueberries or a few pieces of kale? Would an alternate type of seafood—like crab or shrimp—go straight to her thighs? I'm sincerely confused.

The singer offered zero answers, saying only that she's “actually serious,” about her strict diet plan. She added: "I try to stick with the proteins. It’s the worst.” But whyyyy, Mariah? If you must diet, what's wrong with Weight Watchers or the Atkins diet where you eat huge mounds of bacon all day long and still lose weight?

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According to Page Six, newly single Mariah is trying to slim down in time for a "slew of Christmas concerts in New York City in December and then again for a gang of dates in 2017 for her Las Vegas residency."

I still don't get it, but I admire her for taking on the daunting task of dieting around the holidays. Even if capers and Norwegian salmon seem like what Santa might put in rich kids' stockings if they've been naughty.

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Sources: E! Online