"Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?" "I do bite my thumb, sir." "Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?" "Nay, I just burned it on my lighter while taking a massive bong hit."
Yeah, who would have thought this scene was dreamt up by a stoner?
Earlier this month, scientists unearthed multiple pipes in the Stratford-upon-Avon area, including several from William Shakespeare's garden. Naturally, the whole world held its breath while the scientists performed gas chromotography-mass spectrometry (they heated them up and looked at them with special instruments) to determine what residues lay within the pipes. In other words, what was William Shakespeare smoking, and did he get his name from the low-quality shake-and-stem weed he was smoking? Well, you can finally exhale now and cough with the joyous knowledge that yes, just like your first drama teacher, William Shakespeare was a pothead. His pipes all tested positive for cannabis. Yes, him. The guy who immortalized "the, like, play within a play, man." The guy who wrote A Midsummer's Night's Dream, the plot of which is so weird (involving a guy named Bottom who gets laid after his head is turned into a donkey's) even the characters don't believe it was real by the time it's over.
Psst - Don't tell anyone, but my tragedies are hilarious.
Here's the really crazy part. While William Shakespeare was likely a stoner (scientists postulated, in a fantastic display of understatement, that he may have liked its "mind-stimulating properties"), his neighbors smoked coca leaves. That's right, while artsy-fartsy Billy Shakes was getting lit behind the Globe, his respectable merchant-class neighbors were living an early 17th-century version of Wolf of Wall Street. Shakespeare, the scientists went on to speculate, "may have been aware of the deleterious effects of cocaine."