Miley Cyrus received another open letter today. This one's about her grammar.

Miley Cyrus received another open letter today. This one's about her grammar.
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If she's spending a lot of time in bed, she's probably too depressed to worry about grammar.

I was feeling a little unmoored today and I wasn't sure why. Was it because the trains were so empty due to Columbus Day? Was it because Autumn in the northeast has been kind of on the fence about what kind of weather to run with? I didn't know.

Then I discovered what was absent from my life the very moment that absence was filled. It had been literally days since I'd been able to read a new open letter to Miley Cyrus! Thankfully, indie sweetheart Sufjan Stevens took to his Tumblr and stuffed my void full of a very cheeky open letter about Miley's grammar.

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(pic via Asthmatic Kitty Records)

Dammit, Miley, you're supposed to be a role model to our youth! And they stopped speaking in complete sentences years ago! Quit being so high-falutin'.

Kudos to Sufjan, but he'd better get started on his open letter to Eric Clapton. "It's 'Lie down Sally,' Mr. Clapton. Love your work otherwise."

Sufjan's full letter is below:

Dear Miley. I can’t stop listening to #GetItRight (great song, great message, great body), but maybe you need a quick grammar lesson. One particular line causes concern: “I been laying in this bed all night long.” Miley, technically speaking, you’ve been LYING, not LAYING, an irregular verb form that should only be used when there’s an object, i.e. “I been laying my tired booty on this bed all night long.” Whatever. I’m not the best lyricist, but you know what I mean. #Get It Right The Next Time. But don’t worry, even Faulkner messed it up. We all make mistakes, and surely this isn’t your worst misdemeanor. But also, Miley, did you know the tense here is also totally wrong. Surely you’ve heard of Present Perfect Continuous Tense (I HAVE BEEN LYING in this bed all night long [hopefully getting some beauty sleep?]). It’s a weird, equivocal, almost purgatorial tense, not quite present, not quite past, not quite here, not quite there. Somewhere in between. I feel that way all the time. It kind of sucks. But I have a feeling your “present perfect continuous” involves a lot more excitement than mine. Anyway, doesn’t that also sum up your career right now? Present. Perfect. Continuous. And Tense. Intense? Girl, you work it like Mike Tyson. Miley, I love you because you’re the Queen, grammatically and anatomically speaking. And you’re the hottest cake in the pan. Don’t ever grow old. Live brightly before your fire fades into total darkness. XXOO Sufjan

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(by Bob Powers)

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