Real Madrid? More like Illusion Madrid! What? 'Real' means 'royal'? I don't get soccer.

"Now don't be a little jerk and go rooting for Atletico. You're MY fan, now."

America's favorite pastime may be pretending to have never heard of the world's favorite pastime, soccer (or whatever else it's called), but even we are aware that some dude named Christiano Ronaldo is a super big deal. Do we know enough to tell him apart from the other (now retired) huge deal named Ronaldo? No. But we know that some dude named Ronaldo is the biggest deal since some dude named Maradona, who was himself the new some dude named Pelé. My understanding is that they even made a miniature version of him named Ronaldinho (haha please don't kill me, Brazil fans).

Sources: imNova