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The 89th Annual Academy Awards are on Sunday, February 25th, and the show is sure to dazzle, entertain, and send Donald Trump into a massive tweetstorm.

Hollywood’s biggest night is the Super Bowl for non-sporty folk, an opportunity to get drunk on a Sunday and collectively scream at the TV. This year, the Academy nominated nine movies for Best Picture, humbly requesting that you spend approximately 27 hours consuming the content. We realize you may happen to have a life outside of the movie theater, so we at Someecards are here to help you with cheat sheets for the five Best Picture nominees you need to know about to fake your way through an Oscars watch-party.

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Let's start with a movie that's certain to win for its unique ability to make Hollywood feel important for once: La La Land.

What Happens in La La Land:

It should go without saying there are SPOILERS AHEAD!

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This modern musical stars beautiful, successful actress Emma Stone as a beautiful, struggling actress and broodingly handsome actor Ryan Gosling as a broodingly handsome jazz musician. La La Land has been celebrated for being beautiful, colorful and distracting from the world’s horrors. The main shtick is that La La Land matches full-scale production numbered with laid-back whispery singing to keep things “grounded.”

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Take away the music and La La Land is one of the lamest stories ever told, but with the music, it's awesome.

Emma and Ryan's characters don’t end up together, because the real romance is between a person and their DREAMS!

Smart Things To Say About La La Land:

Choose your own opinion:

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  • “This truly is a remarkable entry into the movie musical canon, both an homage and pushing the form!”

  • “I enjoyed it, but the conflict is nonexistent compared to that of an Important Pic like Moonlight.”

  • "A white dude saves jazz? Really?"

  • "Ryan Gosling's Sebastian is every pretentious guy I've ever had to sit through a date with—except handsome."

  • "We've got Fences and Hidden Figures and Moonlight and the documentaries but Jesus, #LaLaLandSoWhite."

  • "The songs got stuck in my head, but they barely made it into my heart."

  • “Such a ripoff of The Umbrellas of Cherbourg, amirite?”

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Stay tuned: We'll have a new cheat sheet every day leading up to Sunday.