On June 30, Variety graced us with a nine paragraph review of actress Renée​ Zellweger's face, written by celebrity face critic Owen Gleiberman. Sorry, FILM critic, he's Variety's new chief film critic. "Hooray!" you're probably thinking, "Another man commenting unnecessarily on a woman's appearance!" And so many comments, too. But listen—he's only doing it to protect the sanctity of the Bridget Jones franchise.

Watching the trailer, I didn’t stare at the actress and think: She doesn’t look like Renée Zellweger. I thought: She doesn’t look like Bridget Jones! Oddly, that made it matter more. Celebrities, like anyone else, have the right to look however they want, but the characters they play become part of us. I suddenly felt like something had been taken away.