Make sure you're sitting on something safe for "Lava Floor: The Movie."

Make sure you're sitting on something safe for "Lava Floor: The Movie."
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Why couldn't he have made a pillow pathway like a normal person?

Unless you never pretended that the floor was lava as a kid, I kind of feel like I'm insulting you if I try to set this up too much. So, to the few people who didn't grow up constantly pretending that the floor was a molten hot lake of lava (or occasionally, shark-infested waters) that would instantly kill you unless you protected yourself with a couch cushion...that happened to most of us. And we loved it. And we committed hard to that game. But...what if it was real? Well, in that case, you'd have no choice but to freak out the president and have a pretty scientist lady call on a grizzled specialist who just wants to stay retired. Because this is an action movie now, and a damn big one at that.

Or, you could just be a mom doing laundry. They don't want to play, even if the rest of the Earth is.

(by Johnny McNulty)

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