Leonardo DiCaprio - star of 'Titanic', 'The Revenant,' and your teenaged fantasies - is a sprightly forty-four years old.
And according to a chart that's circulating online, he's only willing to date women aged twenty-five and under. A data nerd who apparently shares my exact interests compared Leo's rising age to his various partners' and the results are...discouraging. At twenty-eight, I'm several years too ripe for Leo's Academy Award-winning penis. But more significantly: Leo's humanitarian beliefs don't extend to human women.