My name is Nathan, and I'm bad at love.
So I'm turning to the 11th season of The Bachelorette for help. Week 4 is about beating out your love's new romantic interests. This episode marked the return of former Bachelorette runner-up Nick Viall, who I'm anticipating will provide plenty of future relationship advice. I want to be prepared to withstand any new gentleman callers that come my date's way this week, and this is what I learned to do just that:
1. Do turn on your friends for her.
The bromance of Clint and JJ is over. As Kaitlyn was dumping Clint, he looked to his closest friend for support. Instead JJ publicly demanded that Clint apologize for wasting poor Kaitlyn's time. This heroic betrayal of a friend showed JJ's willingness to put love first no matter what the cost. Clint's expletive-filled final confrontation may have led to JJ crying all alone, but the taste of those tears is worth another week in this journey toward true love.
2. Do write her poetry.
During the one-on-one date, Jared pulled out all of the stops by reading a poem that he had written for Kaitlyn. And boy has Jared has been holding out on us. He is a modern-day Shakespeare. This would make any heart melt: “So in conclusion, after I cross my T's and end all my I's with a dot, I just wanted to let you know that I like you Kaitlyn. I like you a lot." Game over. Rose. Telling a woman how you feel is one thing, but doing so with words that rhyme puts you on another level.
3. Don't get jealous of other men.
Kaitlyn spent the majority of this week debating whether or not to start a relationship with Nick, so naturally she turned to the guys she is already dating for advice. Some were upset that she would dare question their own amazing four-week long connection. But the winners in Kaitlyn's eyes were the ones that didn't care if other men entered the picture. Note: stay confident that you are “the one" no matter who else the person you are dating is also dating. Repeat to yourself, “I will get engaged. I will get engaged. I will get engaged."
4. Don't engage in rap battles unless you can actually rap.
But if forced into it always reference the greatest film of all time: The Notebook.
5. Do know her favorite Disney songs.
On the second group date, the guys were put through a “real Broadway audition." After Joe didn't know the words to “A Whole New World" he might as well have packed his bags and gone home immediately. We all know that Kaitlyn, and women everywhere, will only marry a man that knows all of the music from every Disney movie ever. And Chris proved worthy. He outperformed the rest because he believes he really IS Aladdin. I can do this and move forward in my relationship. I can be Simba.