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"Stephen Colbert" made his triumphant return to television on Monday night to deliver the Report on Trump's arts-slashing, Grandma-starving budget.

"I'm here because America needs me," Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A. proclaimed.

Only a true, fiscal conservative Stephen Colbert (the character) could defend Trump's budget, with the return of The Colbert Report's best segment (with a deliberate spelling mistake so it can slip by Comedy Central's lawyers), "The Werd."

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"Screw Unto Others," Stephen Colbert The Character declares, launching into "defense" of Donald Trump's "wish list."

Much have been said about Trump's plan to eliminate funding for Meals on Wheels, a program that brings food to the elderly. Well, "Colbert" says:

Folks, I know what you’re saying: You’re saying, ‘They did meet their objective, Stephen. They brought food to the elderly.’ Well, technically, yes, Greg. And we all know what happens to food after we eat it: We are literally throwing money down the toilet!

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Watch the whole segment and Make America 2008 Again.