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T.J. Miller and a merry band of bellybutton whistlers opened the 22nd Annual Critics' Choice Awards with a monologue that honored the real Sully Sullenberger and the original Broadway production A Chorus Line with some fine choreography.

Miller milked gold out of the Elephant in the Room—the fact that just days before, he was arrested for slapping his Uber driver in a heated argument about Donald Trump.

After a whole bunch of fake-outs, Miller literally hopped on his soapbox to promise he won't make jokes like “Hey, trolls did well this year — not the movie, but dudes on the internet. One them got elected president.”

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The opening spiel closed with an earnest call to "emphasize the 'unity' in 'opportunity,'" a handy slogan that looks great on a shirt. “We’re a nation that is broken and anything that is broken can be fixed. TV and film can bring us together. TV, especially, because we are one nation, one couch, one potato.”