1. Facebook = The Dung Beetle
The Dung Beetle - The dung beetle collects everyone's shit into an easy-to-read ball, or "Feed." While convenient, it usually just makes you jealous of people with better-looking shit than you.
2. Reddit = The Mosquito
These ubiquitous creatures sample any content with life left in it, trying to suck out it's lifeforce, or "Karma." They only live for a few days or hours, however, so new ones will return to the same content almost immediately to try and drain it again.
3. Upworthy= The Caterpillar
This uninteresting and boring creature wrapped itself up in a cocoon of silky clickbait. You won't believe what it became next!
4. BuzzFeed = The Fruit Fly
One of the most ubiquitous species on the planet, the fruit fly will seize on any piece of content with any value whatsoever, feeding every few minutes. It can adapt to any environment, even consuming things that only other insects from a place like Albuquerque would understand.
5. Every Real News Site = The Honeybee
Without this insect, human civilization would collapse. It is, of course, going extinct.
6. TMZ = The Maggot
Growing inside of every sizzurp-soaked celebrity carcass and dead horse they can find, maggots eventually become fruit flies and learn to make their content more likeable (see above).
7. Twitter = Crickets
Although together it sounds like crickets make up a dialogue that reveals the true opinions of the land they live on, they are in fact just millions of lonely individual insects asking to be noticed.
8. Tumblr = The Rhinoceros Beetle
The Rhinoceros Beetle will lock horns and battle any other insect that doesn't accept how beautiful all the different shapes, colors, and orientations that the Rhinoceros Beetle can come in.
9. Google = The Sentinel from 'The Matrix'
It knows where you are, and if it wanted to, it could peel open your house and take you to a human farm in Palo Alto.
10. Yahoo! = The Cockroach
A lot of people laugh at the cockroach, but it continues to survive mass extinctions, and we all know it will still somehow be chugging long after we're dead.
(by Johnny McNulty)