'AITA for arguing with my lawyer husband causing him to miss a hearing...and potentially get fired?'
"AITA for arguing with my lawyer husband causing him to miss a hearing...and potentially get fired?"
Last night I was so mad at my husband. I won't bore you with all the details, but I just felt like I was coming in last in his life. He works soooo much and has been gone off and on for the last 3 weeks, we hardly ever go out and when we do, he takes work calls or talks about work, he even works most nights.
Then when he is home, he wants to be with the kids or is doing church stuff. I had my breaking point last night and went to bed mad. In the morning the argument continued, and he was really upset that I was mad at him.
He blew it way out of porportion and was yelling and swearing. He was very flustered and upset and said he would just take the kids to school because I clearly needed a break.
I insisted that I can do it and that was not why I was mad. He thought it was a trick and wouldn't let me take them to school instead he did it. When he came home he got on his computer to work but I told him I didn't want him home and he should just work at the office.
So, he got dressed and left for the office. Our issues were not resolved. I then got a text that he missed a hearing this morning (he's an attorney). I asked if they forgot to add it to his calendar or something and he said no it was because I made him leave before he could check his schedule and that I distracted him this morning.
The partners want to talk to him tomorrow and he said most likely he is getting fired. He blames me. I had no idea he had a hearing, or I probably wouldn't have brought anything up this morning.
But I also feel like I shouldn't have to come last all the time and never express any emotions to him besides happiness because it will mess up his work. AITA though that should have just talked to him this weekend and not have potentially got him fired from a job he loves?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Just saying was your crystal ball not working. How were you supposed to know he had a hearing. He is responsible for checking his own schedule.
NTA. You are not responsible for his schedule. You did not make him miss the hearing. Your frustrations are valid, as are his work needs and desire to spend time with kids. I would strongly recommend some couples counseling to work on communication and rebuilding your relationship.
That aside, planning time for the two of you would be good, see if there is a time (even for an hour or two) where he can set aside time to spend just with you without his phone. If you can plan ahead, hopefully he will not be on a case that will fall apart without him, and you two can spend needed time together.
Couples counseling can provide a safe place for you to both express your needs and frustrations, and learn more effective ways to communicate with each other. Particularly if you are having these explosive arguments in front of your kids, it can have a negative impact on them, which I’m sure neither of you wants.
You didn’t make him miss anything; he was irresponsible and trying to blame you for it. Also? Is it normal for lawyers to work nights? Seems sus, I don't know. NTA.
NTA for the hearing issue. You did not "make" him miss a hearing. He is responsible for knowing his schedule and when to be in court. The only way it could maybe have been your fault is if you'd, like, destroyed all of his electronics with his calendar on them or something, or somehow physically prevented him from leaving on time.
Obviously none of that happened, and it's on him to know when his hearings are scheduled. I am a lawyer, and we're responsible for being in court when we're supposed to. Not our spouses, not our paralegals, not our assistants.
If he was supposed to be at a hearing this morning he shouldn't have needed to check his calendar to know that, because he should have been aware and prepared for the hearing.
NTA. It's a pretty big deal to miss a hearing. I work in a law office (not an attorney) and yes, we could absolutely fire someone for missing a hearing. Showing up and saying "my wife made me do it" is not an excuse. He should be looking at his schedule every single day, multiple times per day.
He should know his weeks' schedule like the back of his hand by Sunday night. If he's costing the client money and the firm reputation, yes, he could get fired, but that's his own fault.
Especially if it was a request for a continuance. Most likely the continuace will be denied and now someone will have to finish the work by the original deadlline. I'm not going to comment on the lack of attention thing. You all should get couples counseling for that.
YTA Sounds like you kept him up all night arguing and started again the next morning when he needed to be prepped for his hearing. Why are you picking fights in the middle of the workweek for checks notes husband whose job the family relies on having the work ethic required of his career?
If he loses his job, you OP will deserve the hardship. Try a new role: supporting thr hard-working spouse rather than being a burden. If this story is true, I hope he is reconsidering this marriage.