So, when a conflicted self-described 'grumpy old man' dad decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about his daughter's destination wedding, people were quick to help deem a verdict.
I (57) retired to South America five years ago. My kids are adults and we aren't really close. Mostly my fault. I worked away from home so they were raised mostly by their moms. I bought an acreage, called a finca, and I rent it out for events.
I have an outdoor dance floor, a pool, and a twenty person guest house. I also built up some areas for pictures. I live in my own house on the property.
So now the conflict. I refuse to let any of my family stay with me anymore. I did for the first year and they all abused my goodwill. The would not clean up after themselves, they would pick fruit off my trees and then waste them, they would not listen when I told them not to go in the pool on Mondays because that was cleaning day. And a whole bunch of other things.
My daughter wants to have her wedding here. My house looks like Casita from the Disney movie Encanto. She is obsessed with it because my granddaughter looks like Mirabel from that movie.
So she wants to have a destination wedding on my property. Which I would be fine with I think. But then she tells me that her guests will be stay there for a week before the wedding. And that since they are paying for the flights they shouldn't have to pay for a place to stay as well.
Yeah I'm not super happy about that. So I say that they can do it one of two ways. They can pay me to have extra staff on hand to clean up after them and be cook for them or they can have the ceremony, pictures, and reception here and then stay at a hotel.
I even volunteered to pick up the bill for the hotel. It would cost me more than what I earn from renting out my place but it would be worth it not to deal with the headache of entitled people.
I let her bring her friends down here when she graduated university and they left the place in shambles. I found an entire bunch of bananas in the pool. Not a bunch like in a grocery store. Like 60 bananas. They ripped it off a plant and threw it in the pool. These were all human adults.
Her mom is calling me an a**hole for holding it against her. My son, her half brother, is posting about how I'm just a miserable guy sitting down here and not wanting to see my family. Not true.
When he came down with his girlfriend I put them up at a nice hotel about twenty minutes away. Why? Because I had to pay for my pool guy to fix my filter pump because his girlfriend's panties were stuck in it the last time he came down. I know I sound like a grumpy old man, but I don't think that makes me an a**hole.
Disrespecting a family member's property like this, especially when you're essentially getting a free luxury hotel on your vacation is definitely not cool. This family had their chance to prove that they could behave like mature, responsible adults and they messed up. Why would he want to host a wedding (with loads of drunk strangers dancing) at his home?
I was so ready to call you an AH. Then I got halfway through and thought maybe it's gonna be an ESH? But you're literally offering to host the wedding and pay for hotels??? Because they trashed the place last time??? They're all acting super entitled to get mad about this. And just incredibly spoiled and rude that they have acted this way at your place before. NTA.
NTA. It's not about 'letting her have the wedding on your property' - but to provide accommodation a week prior. On top of that, you know, from past occurrence - that her friends are trouble.
NTA - All of this sounds perfectly reasonable. I get the sense your children are mad at you because you were distant (which would be a mistake on your part) and have held you hostage with that situation to get what they want and who they want at your expense.
Respect goes both ways, and if they can't respect your property they don't get the right to it. The alternatives you offered were perfectly reasonable.
NTA, they sound like horrible, wasteful people. I especially hate people wasting food when there's so much hunger and poverty around. Don't let them anywhere near your property.
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this dad isn't at all wrong to put his foot down about hosting his daughter's wedding on his property, and if the bride has a problem with it then she can accept his offer to stay at a hotel. Good luck, everyone!