Wife forced to use public bathrooms because husband hogs the toilet. AITA?
She feels like number two to her number one.
The usual stereotype is that women take too long in the bathroom, but one wife says her daily morning routine involves desperately waiting for a moment in the lavatory. According to her account, her husband takes luxurious bathroom breaks as his form of relaxation.
While she understands him needing his 'alone time,' she feels like he has completely dominated the loo, forcing her to run to public restrooms every morning.
'AITA for forcing my husband off the toilet?'
My husband (40M) and I (37F) live in an apartment with only one bathroom. In the morning, he spends upwards of 40 minutes going to the bathroom, sitting on the toilet, answering emails, scrolling social media and also, of course, actually using the bathroom.
To be very very clear, he does not have any IG issues that require that amount of time on the toilet, it is purely a “me time” thing.
The issue is that I too need to use the toilet in the morning. We have virtually the same diet, so it should come as no surprise that I generally have to use th bathroom at around the same time he does.
Nearly every morning, I have to text my husband to ask if he’s almost done, which is frankly annoying and embarrassing. I know everyone poops, but I don't’ love having to broadcast it and beg to use the bathroom nearly every day.
My issue is that he doesn’t need to be sitting there for 40 minutes and he’s creating this annoying and embarrassing problem. I’ve asked him directly about it; he says that he’s usually done within a few minutes, but he likes having some time to himself.
I don’t understand why he can’t have alone time virtually anywhere else besides the one spot in our apartment that can’t be shared and is essential. I’ve told him that I’ll leave him alone, can he please do that somewhere else and he says its not the same.
My husband and I own the apartment, so moving isn't an easy option. HOWEVER, the apartment has two bedrooms PLUS an office space that's exclusively his so there's lots of alternative areas besides the toilet that he could use (and does use!) to have privacy. Also, he works from home and his hours are shorter than mine so he does already have alone time to begin with.
I recently asked him if he could limit his time on the toilet to 10 minutes. I said it’s embarrassing to really need to go to the bathroom and have to beg him to hurry up or have to use a public bathroom nearby to our home.
He said I was being an a**hole for trying to control his bathroom time. But I think he’s being an a**hole for picking the ONE PLACE in our apartment that’s very necessary to have alone, quality time. AITA?
Here are the top toilet retorts from readers:
Outrageously_Penguin
NTA, this is absurd behavior and I don’t understand why it’s such a common thing for dudes to do. What is so goddamn appealing about sitting on the toilet of all places in the house? His desire to use the sh!tter as some kind of lounge does not trump your need to actually s^%t, and the bizarre that that isn’t obvious to him.
NTA. Its patently absurd and self centred to occupy the toilet to lazily catch up on social media. We have a saying: sh*t or get off the pot. Your husband needs to understand that he’s occupying an essential facility for his own sh*ts and giggles. He’s a total a**hole to not accept he needs to vacate the sh*$ter.
YTA just wake up 10 minutes earlier then him and use the bathroom and leave him with his alone time.
NTA. Your husband is disrespectful as hell. There is only one bathroom - trying to frame your frustration at having to beg to use the bathroom in your own home when you need it as some form of abuse is inappropriate.
He could also wait until you’ve used the bathroom first. But instead he sees no issue with essentially forcing you out to use a public toilet because he wants to spend 40 minutes doing non-bathroom things in the only bathroom? How incredibly self-centered.
YTA - Your living situation isn't working for the both of you. The solution isn't to demand someone else change their behavior, it is to find a place that works for BOTH of you. Or if you want someone's behavior to change, then change your own behavior.
There's a lot of truth in the saying that one of the secrets to a happy marriage is separate bathrooms. Also, monitoring someone's bathroom time would be a deal breaker for me. You may want to consider if it will become one for him. Sell your place and get 2 bathrooms or STFU.
Go in the Kitchen sink and wait for him to notice, then explain why. NTA.
10 minutes is legitimately not enough time, sometimes. Not everyone has the same GI system and sometimes s%$t takes time. Limit him to 20 and ask him to ask if you need to go before he uses it.
NTA. You should bang on the door loudly and yell 'are you constipated or just being a f*&^ing weirdo'. Every time. Till he stops. You're giving him too much peace and respect while he's in there disrespecting you. That's why he enjoys the bathroom. MAKE IT HELL. knock every five minutes and scream at him.
Do NOT text him to get off. That's too nice and you're making it peaceful in there.