Of course it's not fair to expect a movie that was made somewhere between 1946-2001 to hold up in the ever-changing present, but noticing the deeply cringe-worthy scenes can make an exciting holiday Bingo board. How many times will Hugh Grant call his love interest 'chubby' or 'rotund?' How many times can the 'Home Alone' parents get away with forgetting they have a child?
So, if you can't stay quiet during another round of Hallmark horror and mistletoe mayhem, let's unpack some things that didn't exactly age like fine wine in our favorite Christmas films. Don't worry, though, we'll still be watching all of these this year. Is it really the holiday season without watching a 3-hour long 1940s anti-capitalism allegory in black and white?
'Love Actually' is a universally beloved tangled web of romantic stories where yes, they're all straight and yes, there are multiple boss-employee relationships. The weird moment where a man betrays his best friend and hits on his wife through a series of cue cards at her doorstep? Unhinged. Is it even more unhinged that Keira Knightley was 16-years-old when it all went down? Yup.
Will any of us ever get over the moment when Emma Thompson sobs because her husband had a disgraceful fling with his one-note sexy piece of bland cardboard administrative assistant? Come on, if you're going to cheat on your lovely wife and mother of your adorable children, you could at least choose a less clichéd route. The weirdo wrapping presents could've been a great option. The biggest problem though? The constant jokes about Hugh Grant's assistant's weight. 'A sizable a*s' and 'tree trunk thighs?' We're in our body acceptance era now, people.
Yes, Buddy and Jovie are consenting adults in 'Elf,' and we're dealing with a universe in which Santa, the North Pole, and elves exist, but...we all must admit that the love storyline is a little awkward.
Buddy's entire perspective on the world is still very childlike as he was raised in a candyland forest of swirly twirly gum drops. Is he ready for an adult relationship when he sleeps 45 minutes a night, eats gum from the sidewalk, shoves cookies in the VCR, and has no idea what money is? This is the perfect subject to bring up on Christmas Eve after 2-5 mulled wines.
This is a small detail that probably has more to do with the weird morals of the period, but why does Fred Gailey, a single man in his 30s living in Manhattan, have twin beds? This man is a lawyer in New York City...one of the most eligible bachelors in cinema history and his bedroom is set up like a platform tent at a kids' summer camp.
Are we really supposed to believe that he would be completely fine having an old man who believes he is the real Santa Claus sleeping next to him every night? Why doesn't Santa have a magical guest room he can teleport back and forth to at the North Pole? Why doesn't Fred have at least a full-sized bed in his sprawling Manhattan palace? Santa should've slept on the IKEA futon.
The early 2000s were a tragedy for body image, but the constant jokes about weight in Bridget Jones are exhausting ever since Dove soap decided that all women are worthy of confidence. From the nightly documentation of her exact weight to Hugh Grant's mistress looking her up and down and saying 'I thought you said she was thin,' this entire movie is an ode to a time when celebs ate nothing but lemon juice.
The most unforgivable moment? When Bridget doesn't get the memo about the costume party, shows up looking sexy as hell in a Playboy bunny outfit and is somehow supposed to be humiliated.
Did anyone believe that Donna Reed's character in 'It's A Wonderful Life' would end up a lonely, unmarried, and childless librarian with that face and personality? And if she did choose to become a single and independent, child-free librarian, why did they portray her as a scared and helpless hermit blowing in the wind down the library stairs?
Bedford Falls might be a small town, but it's surely not THAT small. Another man would've eagerly stepped in line the second George vanished from existence, but that outcome wouldn't exactly fit Clarence's wings journey. Everyone light a candle for Zuzu's petals, please.
Obviously the entire plot of 'Home Alone' hinges on the parents forgetting their kid at home, but these parents are hilariously bad at being parents. Not only do they forget their kid, but they do it again in 'Home Alone 2.' They also buy themselves tickets in first class and force the flight attendants to be their nannies while the kids they did remember all sit in coach.
Sure, the movie wouldn't be as funny and light-hearted if it portrayed the parents' genuine reaction to realizing they left their kid unattended while they're in another country, but their overall attitude toward their child being abandoned is pretty chill. 'Can we get a private plane? No? Oh well.'