Man throws a fit when fiancee's 'childish' sister breaks all his legos.
AITA for threatening to kick out my(26) fiancée’s(24) sister(16) after she destroyed 3 of my Lego sculptures?
My fiancée’s younger sister recently moved in with us and she’s been a hassle to say the least. She and my fiancée didn’t have the best home life and my fiancée was able to come out mostly well adjusted while her sister went in a very different direction.
She’s a bad kid. I really try to be understanding as I know it’s not 100% on her, but having to deal with her is a nightmare.
She skips school frequently, goes out to parties with people she shouldn’t be with, sneaks out, has stolen money from us, is banned from multiple stores for shoplifting. Has stolen our [adult-type supplies] from us, and countless more things that I don’t have enough characters to list.
The thing that tops it for me is my fiancée's behavior toward her. She’s an enabler. She needs discipline her but she refuses to and allows her to walk all over her. I know I’m not her guardian, but she’s living in my house and I don’t want for her to conduct herself this way under my roof.
Friday, she skipped class to go [redacted but 'inhale grass'] with some boy and his parents called the police on them and they brought her to us. I was at my limit with her, and I told her that if she wants to stay here she cannot have the police bringing her home and I was sick and tired of having to be one of the people responsible when she f*cks up.
We got into an argument and my fiancée took her to her room to talk to her. Yesterday morning I wake up and go into the living room to start breakfast and the three Lego sculptures I had made were taken down and threw onto the ground. They were all in pieces. The only way this could’ve happened is if someone did it. My fiancée had no reason to so I woke up her sister and confronted her.
She denied it until I said I would just check our security cameras. She confessed and I lost my temper. I told her how much work it was to get her out here to take care of her and how ungrateful she was to us for it.
I told her that the disrespect she gives me and her sister who were kind enough to take her in is more than enough reason to toss her ass on the streets. At this point my fiancée came in and her sister started “crying” saying how I was threatening to throw her out.
My fiancée took her side and said I was being an a**hole to her as she’s a teenage girl who’s scared and traumatized and she’s acting out because of it. She said my animosity toward her isn’t helping. I don’t think this is a fair statement at all. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say:
NTA - There’s no win for you in this situation my friend. Your fiancé has unilaterally decided that you: CANNOT ‘re-home’ your future SIL CANNOT discipline or otherwise try to correct FSIL behavior CANNOT hold FSIL accountable for her behavior.
You CAN, however, end your relationship and you should give that serious thought. Your fiancée has demonstrated that she has no respect for you, you home or your art.
This is the sad but true reality of the situation.
Younger sister is toxic. There might very well be good reasons why she is the way she is, but that doesn't change the fact that she will absolutely not allow this home to be a healthy environment.
She doesn't recognize any authority there and worse, she is focusing on revenge (purposely looking for ways to hurt OP). That absolutely needs to be removed from the household.
Fiancee is well-meaning but incapable of dealing with sister. That was already pretty clear from OP's description, this just underscores that it absolutely will not get better if things continue.
OP's anger/frustration is understandable given the circumstances, but fiancee is right that it is not helping the situation. But what's the solution? Pretending not to be angry and frustrated at someone like this who is actively making your life worse? No, that just lets it fester.
OP is NTA here, and continuing on as if there is some magical happy ending just around the corner is not healthy for anyone. Things must change. Sister must go. Maybe fiancee needs to go with her?
Nta but if you marry this woman don't be surprised if you end up raising sil's kid after she jumps bail that your wife paid.
NTA But I think you need to have a sit down with your fiancé and see where you go from here. This is not sustainable. I feel for all of you, including the sister. But this is not the life you signed up for and your fiancé’s sister needs counseling at minimum.
She broke your stuff on purpose? Yikes. That is very clearly not someone that you want in your house and it seems like you are not getting any support in this.
NTA for sure and you definitely need to get your fiancee to step up and do all disciplining and behavior correcting around her sister. It sounds terrible for you right now. She is almost an adult. I hope there is an exit strategy around getting rid of her from your home.
The biggest Ass is your girlfriend. I don't think she is as well adjusted as you believe if she is not only forgiving her sister's behaviour but basically enabling it. Trauma isn't carte blanche to be mean and disrespectful but they seem to think it is.
You need to have a serious think on what you want to do moving forward. Leaving might be the best option seeing as gf will most likely keep 'protecting' sister. You are NTA
She is in serious trouble & crying for help. She needs to be disciplined. She needs rules to follow. She def needs mental health care. She is NOT A 'BAD KID.' She just wasn't raised properly & didn't have the guidance she needed. So now she is acting out for attention.
If this was a 13 year old I'd say the behavior is reasonable under the circumstances, but if I willingly take in a 16 year old to get her out of her bad situation, and she proceeds to lie, steal, destroy, etc that is ridiculously immature.
I understand coming from a bad home and needing therapy but this feels like she specifically has an issue with you. Teenagers get destructive in these scenarios but she didn't say punch a hole in the wall or break dishes or some crap she intentionally broke things that belonged to you.
She clearly needs therapy but you and your fiance also need to have a long discussion about how to actually deal with her in a way that will be productive for all parties. NTA