Sometimes, relationship posts on Reddit can appear to be more than a little petty. But, for one user, her seemingly innocent post illuminated some much deeper problems with their relationship.
Okay this sounds dumb, but hear me out. I have always been a picky eater especially when it comes to tomatoes. Ever since I was a kid my dad would make my spaghetti different from the rest of the house. I like having an essence of the sauce flavor on the noodles but not the overpowering flavor having noodles bathed in sauce creates.
So, here's where it gets a bit odd, my dad would separate my spaghetti from the families after putting the sauce on and then would rinse the sauce off with the sink and strainer. I love noodles like this as it is a nice subtle tomato vibe given to the mild spaghetti.
My (20) boyfriend (26) has known about this since we first started dating. He always told me my food habits were cute. We have been dating for almost three years now and moved in together at the beginning of the pandemic so we could be in lock down together.
Ever since we moved in together he insisted on taking charge of cooking and all cooking related tasks (dishes, grocery shopping, etc) and he assigned me the role of cleaning the bulk of the apartment. We split other tasks pretty much 50-50 too.
Everything was perfect and he always SEEMED so be making noodles the way I liked them when we had them. This was until last week when we last had spaghetti.
We ate and everything was good but afterwards he started teasing my saying things like, 'you really like your pasta with an 'essence' of tomato' and 'how was your tomato 'essence' babe?' Always using finger quotes around the word essence.
After a few comments I felt something was off and asked him if he had done anything differently with tonight's noodles than he usually does and he started laughing. When he finally stopped laughing he told me the whole truth while smirking. He said 'I didn't do anything different than I USUALLY do. I have never been making it the way you have requested'.
Apparently the entire time we've been living together he's just been skipping the pasta sauce on my noodles entirely! He claimed that if I didn't notice for this long then it shouldn't matter that he is making dinner in a way that is easier for him. I disagree entirely.
I think the lying was a huge breach of trust and so was the refusal to make dinner how I wanted. I have admittedly been acting passive aggressively to him since, but he thinks he did nothing wrong, that I'm overreacting, and that I need to let it go. AITA?
Reddit was more than happy to let her know.
NTA. I think your reaction is more about him being an a**hole about tricking you than the act itself. I think it's pretty high maintenance to expect someone to cater to you to that point, but if he doesn't allow you in the kitchen you don't have a choice. Which is pretty weird imo, I would have issues trusting him after this.
Argent_Hythe chimes in with:
This isn't about the picky eating, this is about the boyfriend getting joy out of f*cking with OPs food and rubbing it in her face when he 'proved her wrong'. If he really just didn't want to go through the hassle he would have talked with OP about it.
Bleach_Demon relates to the bf's point:
Of course he did the same thing. My kids have weird requests sometimes, and I 100% will “cut corners” in this fashion if I can get away with it. For example my youngest always wants the chunky salsa, but without the chunks, so yeah she wanted me to strain the salsa I guess.
I just started buying a similar kind that isn’t chunky, but she still says to “please make sure her salsa has the chunks taken out”, I guess I should tell her one of these days, don’t want her to grow up thinking she has to strain chunks from the salsa. The bf didn’t even need to tell her at all, not sure why he did.
Acheron98 focuses on some of the rougher language:
A “nasty human being” for making fun of what is arguably one of the stupidest things I’ve ever read on this sub? Suuuure.
BTanalyst makes the argument:
Where is the problem here?? If you never noticed then why does he need to go through any extra effort to rinse your noodles? Also why don't you just rinse your noodles. It's your food and your preference.
I think you're just mad because you're feeling dumb you didn't know he wasn't putting sauce on them at all. If you never had a problem with it all this time then why does it matter and why should he put in extra effort? YTA for making a big deal of nothing
After some heated debate, the OP (original poster) drops a shocking update:
Edit: My bf found the post and is not happy, I'm debating pouring the sauce directly down the drain to spite him.
Edit 2: So, a lot has happened since this morning. Y'all may be happy to hear we broke up. We had a huge blowup fight since he found the post which led to me breaking up with him.
Turns out, sometimes a smaller issue in a relationship can be a real red flag for some people.