When this man is overwhelmed by vacationing with his wife and in-laws, he asks Reddit:
My (30M) wife(26F) and I (no kids yet) are going on vacation with her side of the family (parents, 2 siblings and spouses and some nieces/nephews) I'm not a heavy drinker.
Maybe 2 beers a weekend and that's not even every weekend. But on vacation I like to let loose and have many drinks. The next day when i'm hungover, i just relax.
This vacation had a packed itinerary of activities and meals. I asked which night we were going out. Because based off the plans, there wasn't really a day to just relax. She said that wasn't happening on this trip.
I asked her if we had to do everything and she said yes because her parents are paying for everything. All we had to do was pay for flights. I told her I used my precious vacation days for this and I want to do some things ourselves.
She told me that this trip we won't be doing that and I can skip a trip getting hammered. But I don't want to and this has led to some arguments between us in the lead up to next weeks trip? Am I the asshole here? I was aware of the plans, i trusted my wife that our night out and lazy day would be a part of the plans for us.
Also, I assumed (turns out incorrectly) that my wife would vouch for a night out and day off from activies. We have historically done this on our vacations. AITA?
NTA. I’m totally with you on this one. Everyone is different, but one major problem my wife has with visiting her family for a week or for planned vacations is that her parents fill every hour of the day with activities.
We are adults, and we would also like to have a vacation that doesn’t necessarily involve checking the boxes on someone else’s agenda. If you’re not on board with it, do your own thing for a day.
The real question seems to be whether or not your wife is on board with it. Her parents, so her relationship to them is very different than yours.
If you ask me, someone offering to pay my way for something I have no interest in doing is not really something that I’m interested in.
You have no obligation to take them up on every single one of the activities, and just because they are paying for the stay does not make you a prisoner to their schedule. You are indeed paying for your flights, and you are using your vacation days. This is your vacation as well. You can say no, and so can your wife if she wishes.
Why go on a trip at all if your only plan is just “getting hammered”? You can do that right at home. A vacation is an opportunity to see and experience a new place, not to just hang out in your hotel room getting wasted. YTA.
What?! NTA. He was looking for ONE NIGHT to hit the town and cut loose. Everything he would have an opportunity to see and experience in the new place would be seen *during the day,* not during the *one night* he wants to hit the town and let loose.
YTA. Wake up dude. She’s telling you that she doesn’t find it fun, nor does she appreciate you getting wasted when you’re supposed to be having fun TOGETHER!
Nobody in their thirties or even mid twenties, wants to carry their SOs drunk ass back to the room (with the risk of getting vomited on) then babysit them the next day when they’re supposed to be on a FAMILY VACATION!
Most people stop finding this fun by the time they’re 26/27 and most people wouldn’t even CONSIDER this appropriate AT ALL on a family vacation, let alone on one where someone else is pay for them to be there.
Seriously dude. Their 26-year-old daughter/sister is going to be dragging your 30-year-old ass back to the room because you can’t “control your liquor consumption.” on vacation they paid for. LMAO, I’m sure her family is really gonna appreciate that.
You wanna have a vacation where you get wasted and have your 26-year-old wife carry you back to your room and take care of you the next day, do it on your own dime. You’re 30 years old acting like a drunken 21 year old college frat boy! Grow up and learn to have a healthier relationship with alcohol.
ESH? I would totally understand asking for a day just to relax and hang out together without a schedule packed with family activities. There needs to be room for some downtime.
However, at some point in your life it’s no longer cool to get embarrassingly shitfaced and then spend an entire day basically recovering from alcohol poisoning. It’s a little concerning that you are so disappointed you won’t be able to get that drunk.
YTA. This seems like an out of the ordinary trip so why would you expect your normal vacation activities to happen? Also based on your wife's comment, she doesn't seem to really enjoy your drunk days on vacation so if she has to suck it up when you get hammered every vacation, you can suck it up for once.