When this man is conflicted about his mom and wife, he asks Reddit:
My mom and my wife do not get along. That is actually an understatement. They can hardly manage to be in the same room, but we get along great with the rest of the family as does my mom, and neither is willing to sit out of family stuff.
My wife does get overwhelmed by my mom and says she's inappropriate and everyone tends to gather around my mom, so our therapist suggested that she bring something she can do when she needs a break, so she has been bringing crochet.
My mom got annoyed by this and said it was rude and something a five year old would do, and said if she ever brought something to our house and tried to go into the other room and ignore us, we would raise hell. to be fair that is kind of true.
My wife is really big on manners but doesn't always uphold the standards she holds my mom to, so I told my mom that wasn't true. I joked my mom could learn how to crochet (because none of her hobbies are something you can bring to someone else's house).
Recently we hosted a family get together and my mom had a large bag when she showed up. I honestly didn't think anything of it. We were all outside and my mom casually told me she needed a break, so I said that was perfectly fine. See no double standard, she can go inside and chill.
My uncle later went in to get a beer and came out laughing and said I need to see what my mom is doing. My wife and I ran inside and my mom was working on an art project at our coffee table. She had resin, glitter, beads, shells, and my wife lost it and began screaming. To be fair, she was making a huge mess. Ruining the area.
My mom said we were being hypocrites and she was doing exactly what my wife did, her hobby is just messier.
I told her to get out, cussed at her, and said she was banned. She said ok and then told us the glitter on the floor isn't her fault, her husband did that. I told her to get the f out and never come back. She got glitter and tiny beads on the rug, and resin on the table.
My aunt and uncle defended her and said I was being unfair and my wife is super rude to bring crochet to family stuff.
My aunt said if my mom is banned from our house, we are banned from hers and I can't go to Thanksgiving. My cousins tried to defend me but my aunt was serious. Even my cousins after the fact said it was kind of funny and not that big of a deal.
Previously we did get mad at my mom for trying to remove herself from situations. She also calls my mom out every time she is rude, but to be honest can be pretty rude to my mom as well.
She also got mad my mom wouldn't eat her cooking and called her a toddler, but went to my mom's feast of seven fishes on Christmas eve and was gagging because she hates seafood.
Biggest blow out was probably when my wife got mad at my mom for jumping into some guy's arms and kissing him, and then later that night sat on my lap in front of everyone and my mom was like what the f.
My wife totally missed the point and was like are you jealous because I took your son? My mom didn't talk to us for a while after that one and almost skipped out wedding. AITA for all this?
N T A. Lots of people crochet and knit when they're at social gatherings. There is nothing rude about it at all. Was your wife leaving the room to do it, or was she only using it to keep her cool around your terrible mother? Either way, your wife is still not the AH.
Your Mom is the AH here. She's being completely unreasonable about your wife crocheting, and bringing some huge messy art project to your house was 100% purposeful and passive-aggressive (not even passive-- just aggressive).
Now she's seen the consequence of that. It sounds like you aren't missing out on much not having her around for the holidays!
I'll go against the grain here with an ESH. Yes, your wife isn't the asshole for crocheting and your mom is the asshole for bringing glitter into your home.
But in general, your mom and your wife both sound like exhausting, unpleasant people to be around. Why is your wife so obsessed with your mom following etiquette?
How is she getting 'overwhelmed' by a person you describe as introverted? Why is your mom so theatrically offended by crocheting? Why do you and your wife jump straight to screaming and banning people from the house just because a guest does something rude?
Is there a lot of alcohol involved and are you being filmed for a reality TV show?
Unless there's a major issue behind the scenes, like racism or theft or abuse, it's ridiculous for two grown adults to be having such a dramatic feud. Normal people don't get so bitterly angry over what essentially seems to be a basic personality clash.