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Woman on diet won't attend in-laws 'lavish' Christmas dinner, family is taking sides.

Woman on diet won't attend in-laws 'lavish' Christmas dinner, family is taking sides.


When this woman doesn't want to attend her MIL and FIL's Christmas dinner, she asks Reddit:

'AITA for refusing to attend my inlaws Christmas dinner?'

My husbands family has a tradition of always eating out at a pizza restaurant for Christmas Eve dinner. Once we got married it was expected I would join the family for this. It's a very lavish, rich meal.

Problem is, I cannot eat dairy and this particular restaurant only has pizza (no dairy free food at all).

So last year I chose not to attend the dinner and just meet up with everyone after (my husband attended the dinner). My mother in law was upset with me because they usually exchange presents at the restaurant and said it was rude of me not to attend.

But I didn’t want to watch everyone else eat and chose not to go.

During this past year, my husband was diagnosed with lactose intolerance and doesn’t eat much dairy now either.

So we suggested that this year we would make homemade pizzas, that way it was still the pizza tradition but we could make dairy free options for ourselves.

My mother in law said no and said that I specifically was ruining their families tradition. She said we should all go to the restaurant still and the two of us should just eat beforehand. I still have no interest in watching everyone else eat.

My husband and I are refusing to join them and are instead making plans to spend Christmas Eve with my family. We were told we are ruining Christmas for the whole family.

I’m starting to wonder if I’m being too stubborn and we should just go to the restaurant to make everyone else happy. So I’d like to know, am I the asshole for refusing to go to the dinner?

I have an allergy not just intolerance, also we have called the restaurant and there is dairy in their crust and sauce so they cannot guarantee any dairy free options! AITA?

Let's find out.

bitterconflict4089 writes:

YTA. My son has a dairy allergy. He orders his pizza with no cheese. I’m not seeing how you can’t eat anything in this restaurant.

knifeywifey makes these great points about OP's responses:

NTA. OP provided additional information in various comments. Basically, she did much more than I realized to accommodate the in-laws, but they rejected it all, without really giving good reasons why.

Also, I made a ton of assumptions based on my experiences with my in-laws that don't apply to her situation. My bad. Sorry, OP.

Original: Let me begin by saying I have both celiac disease (100% gluten free) and severe lactose intolerance (99% dairy free). As a result, I can absolutely relate to your situation.

Sitting and watching other people eat in a social situation is the worst, especially if the group as a whole isn't familiar with your dietary needs. Without giving you my life story I will simply say, 'Trust me, I've been there and then some.'

You're not the a-hole for having specific dietary needs. You're not even the asshole for not wanting to watch others eat or suggesting an alternative.

However, you are the a-hole for choosing to avoid family because you can't enjoy the activity as you would like. Ideally, they would do more to accommodate you.

However, this is a long-standing tradition of, I assume, a fairly large family, and you are just one (now two) people. In situations like this, it is really most appropriate for YOU to find a way to accommodate THEM.

Otherwise, you just come across as a stubborn ass.

Things you could do that you haven't mentioned: Order a pizza with no cheese (I've done it.) Find a pizza restaurant that also serves pasta, salad or wings and request they hold it there.

Pick up food on the way or bring your own and eat it at the pizza restaurant (I've done that multiple times--no restaurant has ever called me out).

Eat ahead of time as requested, and realize that respecting your husband's family traditions might be more important than having a perfect social experience.You could even bring a small snack to enjoy why everyone else has pizza! (I do this on the regular.)

The more willing you are to work with them, the more likely they are to accommodate you in the future.

Again, I speak from experience. It took a long time for my in laws to understand the specifics AND importance of my dietary restrictions, but the more patient I was and the more willing I am to accept whatever safe food they offered, the more they accommodated me.

Well, is OP being an AH, or are the inlaws being unreasonable? What do YOU think? Any advice for this family?

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