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Woman wants potluck for x-mas, husband's family says, 'your MIL just died, you cook.'

Woman wants potluck for x-mas, husband's family says, 'your MIL just died, you cook.'


When this woman is annoyed with her husband, she asks Reddit:

'WIBTA for refusing to cook Christmas dinner for my husband's family?'

For context: My mother-in-law, who passed away earlier this month, always hosted her husband's (M63) family for the holidays.

They are all very traditional, which meant my MIL cooking all day by herself while my father-in-law, both his parents, his brother, and his brother's fiance sat in the living room watching TV. Me (F29), my husband (M29), and his brother (M26) would help cook where we could.

I've been with my husband for 13 years. After seeing how hard MIL had to work, and the expectations the extended family put on her, I have always been vocal about the fact that I was never cooking a full holiday dinner for everyone.

I know my limitations, and I don't want to invite that stress to my life during an already stressful time.

However, now that my MIL has passed away, there is an expectation that my husband and I will go to his dad's house to cook for everyone with his brother's help, while his dad, uncle, uncle's fiancee, and both grandparents sit around doing nothing.

I want to suggest a potluck type of thing, where everyone brings a dish. However, I asked everyone to do that for the luncheon we hosted after my MIL's funeral, and my husband's grandmother felt like she was asked to do too much. (I asked her to bring paper plates and napkins.)

Before my MIL died, she said that the grandparents have always expected to be served a full meal plus leftovers for them to take home. This is exactly what I never wanted to do.

So, WIBTA for refusing to cook Christmas dinner and instead telling the guests it's potluck or no luck?

Let's find out.

SAMAEL13 writes:

NTA - Invite brother over to your place, and let dad, uncle, uncle's fiancee, and grandparents fend for themselves. I promise, they won't starve.

theivingwillow writes:

NTA. You do this once, they’ll hound you to do it forever. If none of them want to cook Christmas dinner, it’s time for a new tradition, whatever form that might take—so long as it’s not “you take over from MIL.”

tannieth writes:

NTA. DO NOT DO IT! Because you know and we all know? If you are agree to do it once? You will be stuck doing it every year.

This is a such an old fashioned, misogynistic, very outdated 'custom' Its got to stop.

Just send an email to all 'i suggest everyone contribute equally. John and I will provide '.... ' I am happy to keep track of what each person brings. Please email me what your contribution will be by 20th December'

See what happens. If no one replies? Then be prepared to just have your own family at Christmas dinner! Maybe invite your FIL to spend Christmas with you if he wants.

Time for this whole family to accept some change.

Well, looks like OP is NTA. Any advice for her?

Sources: Reddit
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