When a young woman reached her breaking point listening to sexist swill from her cousin, she decided to do the unthinkable: challenge his beliefs. After embarrassing him, she came to Reddit to see if she actually went too far.
Last week I (19F) went home from college for spring break. My cousin Dave and his family were also visiting for spring break.
Now I can't really stand Dave because he has a very obnoxious personality. He likes to show off, and put other people, especially girls down. He has a high ego because my aunt and uncle spoil him alot.
He has a weird thing for cars for example, in our family we, the kids, have to pay for half our cars, so he looks down on my brother for driving a used camry that has dents in it for example.
He also has some really sh*tty views about women, and he listens to alot of internet gurus that say derogatory things about women. The people he follows also blame the natural consequences to their actions on some shadowy secret 'matrix' of some sort.
Since my cousin also spews points about not trusting women pilots, or saying that men own women, I decided to ask him one simple question.
I said that you seem to talk about the matrix alot, and about taking the red pill and seeing the reality for what it really is, by any chance do you know who created the movie, The Matrix, which everything you're saying is based on?
He said he didn't. I responded that 2 women did, so women are responsible for a core tenet of your top G's philosophy.
He then looked it up, and started to say something else, but was drowned out by the laughter of the group, his expression was just too iconic.
Now however, my aunt is saying that I was too mean to him, which I think is ridiculous, and she says I'm acting too much like a man.
I honestly don't know how to respond to something like that, but being criticized like that by a woman I ordinarily respect alot is making me second guess putting Dave in his place that rudely.
Maybe I could have been a bit more civil about it, but I'm glad I did it though, there's just some lingering doubt.
Reddit ruled NTA (not the a-hole) and gave OP an earful about her aunt.
NTA at all. Your aunt's internalised misogyny has probably partially enabled Dave's blatant misogyny, though.
I might be wrong on this, but I don't think she in general is misogynistic, I think her love for her son blinds her and makes her get offended on his behalf. I'm sure she'll come around.
Something I've noticed is that a lot of women in my family tend to be really soft on their first born sons, and that tends to spoil them a lot, so Dave's sh*tty attitude might be redeemable, but I don't really want to spend more time with him than necessary.
Aunt is a misogynist bigot and she raised a misogynist bigot son. Of course she's going to have an opinion on you putting down her precious baby. Good news is, her opinion doesn't count. NTA. And re-evaluate your opinion on your aunt, please.
NTA almost unbelievable that you’d need to ask.
It seems unbelievable because you don't have the history with my aunt like I do. It's easy to call me dumb and say of course you're not the one in the wrong, but keep in mind in my family, when I was younger my aunt was like a second mother to me.
And she's incredibly decisive and wise in most things, and has helped me out so much, so when a person like that says that you're wrong, even if you know she could be biased because it's her son, you still take it to heart.
Unfortunately people can be amazing and important to us and still have some minor... or major... flaws. Now that you know this about her, you know how to approach things she says.
Also, I’m curious exactly how she thinks you’re “being like a man”? For knowing about a movie? For being smart? For teasing the sexist cousin? Sounds like she has her own massive level of misogyny and bigotry. I sure hope the AH cousin doesn’t have a sister.
Pointing out facts is mean, now? I don't even know what she's possibly labeling as 'manly' but since she has such a low opinion of women, that sounds like it's actually a compliment. Also, The Matrix was made by two trans women and is a trans metaphor. :D
Dave sucks and his mom doesn't seem entirely blameless, either. Good luck, OP!