20 of the funniest tweets about what married life is really like.

Bronwyn Isaac

Apr 14, 2023 | 2:02 PM

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Married life is not just a walk in the park.

It's also not just a walk in hell.

It's usually something in the middle, vacillating between emotional extremes, bouts of boredom, long ongoing conversations, and plenty of straight-up good times tucked in there.

Whether your relationship is currently in heaven, hell, or some awkward middle spot, laughing at the realities of long-term cohabitation can ease the tension of real-life.

So if you need a laugh, look no further.

1.

One day my wife and I were young and wild and now she texts me from one end of the house to bring her a glass of prune juice.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) March 29, 2023

2.

Hello. I'd like to report a felony. I sent my husband out to get supplies for a charcuterie board and he came back without any cheese.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) April 6, 2023

3.

Returned from my work trip and husband just says, “thank you for coming back.”
— MumOfTwo (@MumOfTw0) March 30, 2023

4.

me, when my wife starts firing off questions before I've had my first cup of morning coffee pic.twitter.com/HffTXL5nEx
— 🌜🤷‍♂️Dad Moon Rising 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) April 7, 2023

My husband just called me from Home Depot to ask me where something was in the store, so I guess I'm the one who wears the cargo pants in this family.
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) April 2, 2023

5.

my wife is heading out of town for a few days and absolutely fucking ROASTED me pic.twitter.com/nYqnvp1Mq1
— Village Person (@SvnSxty) March 28, 2023

6.

My husband’s superpower is opening something loud and crackly every time I try to talk when we’re in the kitchen.
— Laura is never ready (@ericamorecambe) March 29, 2023

7.

Marriage is just texting each other “oh man can you believe [x]” from the other room until one of you dies
— meghan (@deloisivete) April 2, 2023

8.

My wife’s favorite position is where I’m bent over the kitchen sink doing the dishes.
— Crac⚡ked (@a_simpl_man) April 10, 2023

9.

There are two types of people, both think the other one can’t drive and they end up getting married to each other
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) March 31, 2023

10.

my husband wasn’t aware that ordering my drink at starbucks were part of the vows i think he’s questioning everything
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 2, 2023

11.

Husband takes it upon himself to move a lamp from where I like it in the room to where he likes it.
— Laura is never ready (@ericamorecambe) April 1, 2023

12.

My wife and I walked into Costco only needing to buy a cookie tray and paper towels.

Long story short we need to buy a bigger house now.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) April 7, 2023

13.

my wife loves when we make the bed together because of the opportunities it gives her to redo all the parts I do incorrectly
— 🌜🤷‍♂️Dad Moon Rising 🤷‍♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) April 10, 2023

14.

90% of marriage is one person looking for something where the other said it would be and yelling that it’s not there
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) November 17, 2018

15.

Wife: There is something wrong with you

Me: What a thing to say just before our dog's first salsa lesson
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) November 13, 2018

16.

[husband opening refrigerator]

Me: “What are you looking for?”

Him: “I don’t know, but I’m sure we don’t have it”
— Nonchalant Charlotte (@jellybnbonanza) November 25, 2018

17.

It is impossible for my husband to drive by a gas station without announcing the price of gas.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) November 19, 2018

18.

Wife: IT’S OVER! GET OUT!

Me: Ok, good luck killing spiders

Wife: Wait
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) November 20, 2018

19.

ME *rings wife* should I get one bagel or two?

WIFE: Two!

ME: Ok *nods at tattoo artist* so one on each arm
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) November 7, 2018

20.

ME: Hi. I'm in the gym parking lot.

HUSBAND: That’s great! Are you finally working out?

ME: No. My car broke down. Can you come pick me up? This place is really scary.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) November 13, 2018

Sources: Twitter

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