Man warns BIL to 'get over his grudge'; BIL says, 'your dad ruined my life.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my BIL to get over himself and to quit holding a 10 year old grudge?"
My BIL (married to my sister) (I'm M) is a general contractor. About 10 years ago, my dad and brother was building a deck at my parent’s home. They asked my BIL if they could borrow his skid loader but he said no.
They prepared the ground as best they could without the skid loader but got to the point they couldn’t go on without it. They went to my sis’s house to ask again but found out BIL went out of town. They talked my sis into letting them borrow it so she took them down to his construction lot and they hooked it up to dad’s truck.
This next part I’m not sure of since I don’t know much about towing but from what I was told, dad’s truck wasn’t big enough or powerful enough to tow the skid loader on the dump trailer so he lost control and wrecked.
The truck, trailer, and skid loader was totaled. The insurance was barely enough to cover the medical costs and the truck.
There was none left over to cover BIL’s stuff. When he got back to town, he exploded. He threaten to sue and things just went downhill from there. he was saying we ruined his life. My parents are not rich and he wouldn’t have gotten anything so in the end, sis talked him into letting it go.
However, from that day on he wouldn’t have anything to do with our family. He doesn’t come for birthdays, holidays, nothing at all. Next month is our parent’s 50th anniversary and we’re planning a big family gathering to celebrate.
We’re also chipping in to send our parents on a cruise to Mexico because they’ve never been out of the country. I spoke to sis about it the other day and she said she’s coming with the kids but BIL is not coming.
I was fine with that but when we were discussing their portion of the cruise money, I heard him yelling in the background to deduct their portion from the cost of the skid loader and dump trailer.
That pissed me if so after my call with sis, I called BIL and told him to get over himself. I told Dad and bro made a mistake but that was 10 years ago and he needs to let it go.
He said he’ll let out go when they give him the money he lost. I told him he’s an ass for holding on to a grudge and putting money in the way of a family relationship. Sis called me a few minutes ago and said they’re not coming and that I was out of line. We argued for a bit and that’s where it stands.
I don’t think I’m wrong for telling him to let go of the past but they’re not coming to the anniversary party so now I’m not sure.
OP adds this update:
Let’s get something straight. My dad and brother are not bad people. They are good people who made a mistake. They couldn’t pay back BIL because he wanted almost $70,000 and again, we’re not rich. Dad had to buy another truck because he needed it to go to work.
On the other hand, BIL had 3 other sets of skid loaders and dump trailers on his lot that day so he could take the financial hit while my parents would be homeless. BIL and sis are way better off then the rest of us so while I understand your reasoning of paying BIL back, he doesn’t need it.
The cruise to Mexico isn’t some millionaire trip. The total cost is about $3,000 and it’ll take over 20 people to pay for that. Again, we’re not rich. We can barely cover $3,000 spread out over 20 people so there’s no way we can pay $70,000. AITA?
Let's find out.
sadresearch781 writes:
YTA. Your family stole $50k+ in work equipment from your BIL. They didn’t pay him back, by the sounds of it, showed zero remorse, and he should just “get over it”? You and your family sound massively entitled, your BIL is smart to cut the lot of you clean off.
lostanddumbfound writes:
OP YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA MASSIVELY YTA. You yourself said YOUR DAD AND BROTHER MADE A MISTAKE. What in the heck did they do to try and make it right to your BIL?
Your dad needs a truck to go to work? He should have bought a cheaper car or taken public transport while trying to pay off your BIL. Obviously, BIL seems reasonable, he didn't push through with his lawsuit, so he won't allow your family to be homeless.
But he is allowed to be compensated for something your FAMILY STOLE AND DESTROYED. And this happened 10 YEARS AGO? And not a single cent?
'He doesn't need it' is exactly how thieves think. Let that sink in. Whether he needs it or not, your family is obligated to MAKE THINGS RIGHT. FFS. You know what's sad? I think if BIL saw your family showed remorse and did everything they could to make it right, your BIL may have forgiven this by now.
You'd be lucky if your sister and her family still want a relationship with you lot. In fact, I hope she goes NC because your family sounds tremendously awful. I wouldn't be surprised if your family didn't even apologize.
spin01 writes:
YTA, yea and the fact the dad replaced his truck with the money but didn’t give it to the BIL. Like wow what a person the dad is.