'Black sheep' of family humiliates parents after years of emotional abuse. AITA?
When this man is annoyed with his family, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for walking out of my STEM family's New Year's party & ignoring them?'
I (25M) am part of a large STEM family. My entire family is Ive league educated, my parents, 5 siblings, etc. They're all doctors, scientists, and mathematicians. I am the only one who isn't. Growing up I was always the black sheep, school just didn't come easy to me. They even had me tested for learning disabilities at one point. I had nothing but I just wasn't good at school.
I spent my entire childhood crying over math textbooks wondering why I don't get it? Why it's so easy for them and not for me? Art came easy, literature came easy. But to my family that was trash and not worth focusing on. It didn't help that they kept sending me to the same academic schools my siblings went to, those schools were brutal, the competition there was fierce, and kids were literally snorting Adderall to get through exam week.
That environment didn't help. Things didn't improve until I moved out at 18, and got a job at a tattoo parlor. I was able to get an art degree, I started writing, going to therapy, and got a boyfriend. My life just got better because, for the first time, I could just be me. My family couldn’t accept this, and contact with them became less and less.
Every time I meet them they never make an effort to talk to me about the things I like, they just talk among themselves about STEM subjects I don't understand. I try to engage with them but the things they discuss I just don't know. Whenever I ask questions they get annoyed because now they have to dumb things down for the family idiot.
The only time they talk to me is to discuss my failure in life. Mostly I just sit there quietly. That's how my whole life has been with them. Recently I got a publishing deal for my fantasy novel. I was super excited to tell my family at their New Year's party. The first thing they did was ask what kind of novel was it, when I said fantasy they awkwardly laughed and changed the topic to my cousin's PHD thesis. This was my biggest achievement and they sh*t on it.
I told them they were being rude, and that they'd treated me like crap my whole life. They snapped back to stop making a scene, that I had been a difficult child and to be understanding.
I really lost it then. I screamed that I was never a difficult child, I never drank, sneaked out, stole, did drugs, or got into a fight. I just wasn't into science, which isn't a big deal at all. So what if I wasn't good at school? Any other family would have been glad to have. I left after that.
Since then they’ve been trying to contact me. To be fair they do seem very apologetic but I’ve been ignoring them. My dad’s last text said I’m being childish and I need to talk to them. A part of me feels bad because I ruined New Year's and a lot of my family's colleagues were there too and they witnessed it, which was probably humiliating for them. They work in really prestigious, competitive fields and I humiliated them. AITA?
Let's find out.
altruistickale6 writes;
NTA — sounds like you just snapped after getting a lot of disrespect over the years. Also, as someone who also comes from an academic family (with a few writers) I can tell you it's a lot harder to get a book deal than a PhD.
catslikepeople writes:
NTA. Congratulations on your publishing deal! It’s a big deal and you should be celebrated for it. This Internet stranger is so excited for you! You should name the villains in your stories after family members, or have juuuust enough of their qualities to be a coincidence but not so much that it infringes upon their likeness. You don’t want to get sued but you can stick it to them by making them the AHs in your book.
okmode7 writes:
NTA. Tell him that the beauty of being a grown up is that you get to choose who you speak to and you’re choosing people that actually respect him. It’s sad that he wasn’t one of these people, but choosing to cut out disrespectful AH doesn’t make you childish. He’s just trying to exert control over you. You’re an adult. He doesn’t get a say.