When this bridesmaid feels like she was f***d over, she asks Reddit:
My friend is getting married soon, and I’m going to be one of her bridesmaids.
She decided we would all go on a multiple-day destination vacation for her bachelorette trip before her wedding, and sent out a wishlist of events and excursions and activities to experience during the trip, which we booked for her.
We went to an expensive area that none of us are familiar with, and that required expensive plane tickets, lodgings, food, and drinks, etc. We did everything the bride wanted and I thought we did a good time fulfilling her wishes.
Our collective agreement in advance was that we would all split everything (AirBnB, food, drinks, local transit, etc.) equally, with the exception of one final evening's food and entertainment that the bridesmaids would cover, without the bride contributing.
However, after the event, the bride has several times ignored explicit requests for her to reimburse us. I wanted to bring this up delicately with the bride, but before I could, the other bridesmaids started suggesting over text that maybe we should just cover more things instead.
I’m now in a very uncomfortable position. The destination trip/vacation was already shockingly expensive.
Financially, I’m not in a position to pony up even more cash. I did not budget for this. This also feels unfair because it violates the agreement that we all explicitly agreed to ahead of time.
I also don't like the idea that we're potentially changing the plan just because someone keeps repeatedly ghosting us.
As a side note, I can’t fathom why someone is allowed to force their friends to go on such an expensive tailored, personalized vacation — and then to make their friends pay for their share too? It seems messed up, entitled, and completely unreasonable.
However, compared with the other bridesmaids’ generosity, I’m feeling guilty, cheap, selfish, and like a Scrooge: too curmudgeonly to dote on my friend by springing for her special friends-only trip just before the wedding.
I can see how they might think I'm an asshole, especially since 'traditionally' bridesmaids did pay for the bride's share of a bachelorette party in the past.
An additional complication: the bride and I have had money disagreements in the past. If I set boundaries here, I’m certain it will get back to the bride and that she will have harsh feelings towards me as a result.
I've drafted a message back to the other bridesmaids explaining that I'm not comfortable with us all covering more of the bride's expenses, both due to the financial strain it would entail (multiple hundreds of dollars) and also because it's different from what we had originally planned together.
I don’t want to be a penny-pincher, and yet this also feels so unfair. Am I the asshole? AITA?
NTA. No do not pay and for your own mental health drop out of the wedding. This woman is a bridezilla who agreed to pay her share then flipped the script last minute. She's already acting entitled and you have a history of money issues with her? 😬
I hope you know this is only the start of this BS and you will likely have more stress and money problems with the bride and wedding events.
I was just in a similar situation to you and it caused me so much stress and now I've lost a friendship (with the groom lol) and I wish I just never even participated in the wedding party at all. Just awful and stress and bs and a huge waste of money and time and energy.
Your friendship with the bride is probably already over/nonexistent btw if she's disrespectful enough to ignore requests for reimbursement. Do you want that in your life?
NTA. Been there. Us bridesmaids paid for the Miami penthouse suite. We paid for groceries, restaurants, bar tabs. Home girl stomped her little stilettoed feet on the bricks outside a club about how we were “supposed to be paying for everything!”. With a $1200 Louis Vuitton on her wrist. BACK OUT NOW.
I backed out too late and had to pay for my stupid dress. Cut your losses and your “friend” before you sink more money into it. Godspeed darlin.
You are not the AH. The entire concept that a wedding is the Brides day has gotten completely out of control. The tradtion of making it the Brides special day goes back to when marriages were arrainged and the bride usually had little say as to whom she would marry.
The making i a special day for the bride was just an attempt to giving her something to look forward to while going along with the program. It was a way she could be made to focus on a special event instead of being traded off into a life of servitude to a stranger.
Brides today are not being married off to strangers, so the do not need to have the focus shifted to the wedding event rather than the groom.
The more common people just had a simple ceremony and a dinner for the guest. Wedding dresses were not anything special. Most of the BS they push as traditon today is just marketing by the Wedding industry.
But we live in a society that promotes entitlement for marketing sake. I personally opt for Brides to just shut up and be greatfull for what ever they get.