When this woman is fed up with her MIL, she asks Reddit:
I, 28F, is getting married on Jan 2, 2023. I’m the eldest and only daughter (I have 3 younger brothers). This is a big deal for my parents and despite our (my fiancé, 27M, whom we’ll call D) plan not to ask anything from our parents since we saved for this wedding, my parents insist on giving us money for my wedding.
They told me they don’t want to see me settling for my “2nd choice” simply because I can’t afford my first choice. On the other hand, my soon-to-be-MIL (let’s call her J) is trying to “take charge” of everything. (D is her eldest among her 2 sons.)
Before, J keeps on saying marriage is just a piece of paper and we should get married when we can afford it but when she found out my parents gave us money for the wedding, she keeps on asking how much it is and she will double it.
We declined because knowing her, we’ll hear about it the rest of our lives and also, we have enough money to spend.
I have a big family, so does D. J has a close friend who is so horrible, D is friends with her son but he can’t stand her either. She spread horrible stories about me when I started dating D (she almost ruined us) among other things.
I told D I won’t invite her to our wedding. He agreed. Then we found out J invited her. When we confronted her, she told us it’s her right and that she’ll be paying the most anyway (again, we didn’t accept her offer to give double what my parents gave).
I cried a lot but decided to let it go. She’s also telling us what flowers and motif and theme to have which we respectfully said no since D told her he’s letting me choose what I want. We asked J if she wants to come with us for our gowns but she said she’ll just buy a ready made dress from a famous designer.
I’m very close to my Mom. My Mom always asks for my opinion about her clothes, shoes, etc. so I choose some dress designs and when she approved them, had them custom made. We had our final fitting today and she looks so beautiful I almost cry. J came with us to see D’s suit.
When she saw my Mom’s dress, she told my Mom that it’s inappropriate and that she’s trying to “upstage” the bride and that it’s not a fashion show and she should have the decency to choose the proper dress blabla. I was half way into fitting my reception gown but I can’t control my anger so I went out and lashed at her.
I told her it’s not our fault she didn’t get a customized dress when we asked her to and we even offered to pay for it and my Mom isn’t upstaging me because I choose that dress for her and it’s a simple yet elegant dress so it’s proper and it’s not my Mom’s fault that she’s an insecure b**** and that if she say another word to my Mom she’ll be uninvited.
J turned to D but D said he agreed with me and that she’s being too much. She left the boutique fake hysterical crying. Now I feel bad and I think I should let it go but I can let go disrespect towards me but not towards my loved ones especially my Mom. AITA for not keeping my cool and saying that to my soon-to-be-MIL?
NTA. Although I do think you could have chosen your words better. You shouldn’t let it go her inviting people that you don’t want there, it’s your wedding not hers she has no right whatsoever to dictate any of it to you, if she hasn’t got the message already you need to tell her in no uncertain terms.
NTA. But you could have handled the situation a bit better, IMO. It's your wedding. You are paying for it. This means that you get to choose and organise everything. If your MIL doesn't like it, too bad. She can either participate under your conditions, or not participate.
Those are literally her choices. This is what she needs to be told, very kindly, yet very directly, and it should come from both you and your fiancé.
Kindness is important here though. As badly as she might be behaving, she is still a human being with feelings, as well as the mother of your fiancé, so you'll be dealing with her for a good long while. It's best to keep things cordial while still setting clear boundaries.
NTA, calling her an insecure b**** wasn’t the healthiest approach, but your frustration was totally warranted, her behavior was way out of line. Overall it sounds like she’s potentially a narcissist.
You and your husband need to stop giving her power over your wedding however. You both need to start setting very clear, firm boundaries now, and stop involving her in situations you know she will misbehave in. If she continues lashing out, then you may need to seriously consider uninviting her.
Also, do not allow her friend to come to your wedding. You’re really setting yourselves up here.