When this bride to be feels guilty about her toxic twin sister, she asks Reddit:
For a little context me and my twin “Mary” are 25. We grew up close but over the years she took a different path and got lost in drugs and alcohol addiction and we just became distant.
I tried to help as much as I could but learned someone who doesn’t want help won’t accept help. My parents have always favored her and that’s another reason our relationship isn’t as strong. Over the last year I’d say we began speaking again and aren’t super close but it’s better.
The last time we spoke was about 2 years ago when she revealed to my entire family that I was gay. It was at a dinner and she got completely trashed and said it without thinking and made more comments voicing her negative her negative opinions on the topic.
My parents spoke and both cried like I ruined their lives which is another story but they’ve somewhat accepted that I won’t change. Which I can’t say about my sister.
I have been with my fiancé F26 for about 4 years and we’re planning on getting married early spring. Although my sister has voiced her opinion on our relationship she still wanted to support and come to our wedding.
Recently her and her bf M35 are both invited on the account that she is respectful. I’m not having a traditional MOH wedding party it’s more just my close friends m & f supporting me and helping but nothing too strict. My sister didn’t want to be involved so I didn’t involve her but we both agreed for her to have a speech.
We were sitting down drafting some ideas when she said is it ok if I put some jokes in it. I hesitated but said sure write them and I’ll look over them.
When I read what she wrote I immediately told her no jokes: all she wrote was rude comments toward my fiancé and the majority of it was homophobic and saying shit like “it’s not a real wedding in Gods eyes so who cares”. I then told her explicitly to not comment on my relationship at all during the wedding.
She argues that ofc she’s gonna voice her opinion bc she can’t control honesty when she’s drunk. I then say you’re not drinking then, I told her if she will not be respectful she doesn’t have to go.
If she wants to go to humiliate me and my fiancé I don’t want her there. She then goes you can’t expect me to be quiet I mean you’re marrying a woman. This all feels like a betrayal.
The convo continued until I ultimately uninvited her. Now my parents are saying I’m being an AH and they won’t go either bc they aren’t going to support my actions if my sister isn’t going to be included.
They say they will keep an eye on her but uninviting my twin sister to my “wedding” they put it in quotes is messed up and I should be ashamed.
I want my parents there bc I do want their support even if they aren’t 100% they have shown effort in getting to know my fiancé but I don’t trust my sister and if I don’t invite her they said they won’t go. So AITA for distrusting her and uninviting her?
NTA. It sounds like your parents don’t consider this a real wedding. And that your sister only wants to go to cause trouble. Your parents saying they won’t come if your sister isn’t invited might be a blessing in disguise.
Even if the parents do intend to 'keep an eye on' the sister, they have already shown favouritism towards that sister and negativity towards OP's relationship and wedding.
Their idea of what consists of trouble from the sister will already be skewed towards 'it was just a joke' and 'she meant no harm by it' and 'it's a wedding, of course she can have a drink or two or three' and 'you're overreacting OP'.
OP can't really trust her parents to keep her sister in line when they clearly have a different idea of where the line is.
NTA I've learned the hard way people show their true colors and go a bit wild at weddings. So i just want to start off by saying I'm so sorry, and i understand how upsetting it is to have family treat you this way leading up to the happiest day of your life.
You are NTA Sometimes you have to do what makes you happy and protects you from harm. It's your wedding. Your happiness is all that matters.
So if that means someone can't be there because they will jeopardize your happiness, so f*$ing be it. Let alone someone who is saying horrendous things. The people who stand up and show up for you will, because they care. Hang in there and I'm so sorry you are going through this.