"AITA for picking up my kids for scheduled custody time?"
I have four kids from prior relationships, and my wife has one. She has full custody of her son, but I have two of my kids here full time and weekends for the other two. My wife gave birth on Wednesday and came home from the hospital on Thursday. The kids and I have been doing our best to keep the house as quiet and relaxing for her as possible.
On Friday she asked me not to pick my youngest kids up, because she feels the house is already unbearable with three kids, and five is too much. I told her she knows that isn't possible.
That's not how custody agreements work. Besides, how would that make my kids feel? She said she just gave birth, so her feelings are important. I said I'm not flaking on my kids, so we need to figure something else out.
Friday when it was time for me to pick up all the kids my wife was napping. I didn't want to potentially wake her, so I told my oldest (he's 19) to hold the baby until I got back. When I got back with all the kids, my oldest and wife were screaming at each other.
The best I can tell is that she woke up and went looking for me, my son told her where I went, she called me a thoughtless prick, my son called her a hateful witch, and then they started screaming at each other.
I got the kids to all go outside for a bit while I talked to my wife. She said I was an unbelievably selfish AH that couldn't even give her a break for one weekend. She said none of this would have happened if I hadn't insisted on picking up my younger kids. She said she wanted my oldest to leave, but I said that wasn't an option.
She locked herself in our room. I get that childbirth is harder than I'll ever know and she's exhausted, but I don't feel like what she asked for is something I can give. Was I an asshole for insisting on getting my kids?
Here's what people had to day to OP:
foolmeonceshamonyou7 writes:
NTA. I understand that she just gave birth and that she is exhausted and overwhelmed. But she does not get to pick and choose when you are a father to ANY of your children, and PARTICULARLY not so you can prioritize her as an adult. You were correct that that is not how custody agreements work, but more importantly, that's not how parenting works.
If she could not handle being a parent/stepparent to a household with five children under even the most stressful of circumstances, then she should not have married a man who had four kids as a woman who had one of her own, and she CERTAINLY shouldn't have gone and had another one.
You also mention that it was, in fact, your YOUNGEST children whom you were picking up for custodial time, which makes this even more horrifying.
That your youngest kids from your previous relationship already get the least amount of time with you and she wants to shunt them aside now when they are inconvenient is hugely problematic . . . and is only going to get worse as your new baby grows and becomes more active and needy.
You absolutely need to reiterate to her that NO CHILD in this blended family should or shall be prioritised over any other, and that she does not get to deprive any child of parental time because she feels like there are too many of them. Again, that's not how family works. You do not temporarily rid yourself of a few kids because they are inconvenient.
You are NTA, but wow is this going to be a problem, because you just had a SIXTH CHILD with a woman who genuinely believes that it's okay to shove your other young children out the door for her personal comfort.
knowncommittee8 writes:
I mean, I dunno. He is for sure NTA. He was right not to put his other kids on backburner. However, she could be acting out in fatigue and hormones. I was a real beast after my last baby and I had to be medicated. My husband had to explain to my other 2 kids that I am just going through extra stuff and not meaning to be especially irritable.
There is a lot of people in her home right now and she could be feeling invaded. If this continues after her hormones settles then its for sure an issue. She does not get to control him seeing his kids or doing his parental duties.