Dad eavesdrops on son's therapy session, confronts son saying, 'you lied about me.'
"AITA for suggesting to my son that he should be neutral with his therapist?"
I’m a father of a 21 year old son who originally came home for winter break from uni. A couple of days ago when he was in his room and we were in the adjacent master bedroom organizing our finances, we heard him talking quite audibly and forcefully...
telling his therapist about “all the bad things we’ve done” has done over the years that led him to getting therapy, and once we heard that my wife said it was confidential and we can’t listen, so we tuned out.
Later that evening at dinner, I told my son that I think it would be best if he was neutral with his therapist so that they can come to a judgement regarding all sides of an issue, and that he should include more of the good things we’ve done for him so that things aren’t as one sided, and that he can get the best treatment he needs.
He then looked up at me and proceeded to give me an earful about how I “do not comment on his private affairs”, that he “handles his healthcare however the F he wants”, that I should “be ashamed” of myself for “having the audacity to overstep a boundary like that and listen in” on his session...
and I tried to tell him that we genuinely didn’t know it was a therapy session and when we did my wife told me that it’s confidential and private and tuned out, but he just barked “If you would have just kept your F’ing mouth shut then none of this would have happened”
I had to bark back that he does not curse at us and he needs to respect us because we are his parents who have helped him get to where he is today, and don't lie to your therapist about us to which he just picked up his bowl and left the dinner table, going to his room. I tried to later knock on his door and say sorry but didn’t get a response.
The next morning, I got a text saying from my son saying that he’s moving back to his dorm and that he can expect us to not celebrate Christmas with him, and that he’s upset. I tried to explain but he again didn’t respond.
And now my wife is angry with me and upset at the fact that I said something that could potentially ruin Christmas if I don’t “make it up to him”, and it’s eating away at me. AITA?
Let's find out.
kindatrack77 writes:
Thiissss, omg the Powerpoint post. How do so many parents apparently not get that their children are actual, living human beings and that they’re entitled to each and every one of the thoughts they think, emotions they feel, and opinions and perspectives they have???
OP, giant YTA. Stop being concerned with saving face in front of a therapist who’s not even treating you and focus on letting your son come to terms with the pain he feels has been inflicted - by his last session, at least partially by you. Chiming in on everyone else saying be a better parent.
sotherfriedamy writes:
I don't think you understand how therapy works. Your son doesn't need to be neutral- he needs to talk about whatever is on his mind. Obviously, he's holding on to a lot of resentment towards you. Whether you agree with it or not, it's his perception that you've done some stuff that's caused him to feel this way.
He needs a safe, confidential space to work through this. It's not the therapist's job to 'make a judgment' about who's right or wrong, but to help your son process his feelings and be able to express them in a healthy way. YTA, not for inadvertently overhearing part of a confidential call, but for inserting your unwanted, uneducated opinion about it.
kalitheblaze writes:
YTA.You were eavesdropping. That’s wrong no matter who someone is talking to. He needs to talk to his therapist about the thing that hurt and trouble him. The stuff he needs to work through and sort out.
If the good things you did aren’t a problem, why would he bring them up? Are you worried about how you look to the therapist? That’s letting your vanity be more important than his needs.
The therapist 100% knows that they’re only hearing one side of the story, and that they’re hearing all of the bad and probably little or none of the good (unless the swap between the two is what is causing the pain - gods know, that was part of what messed me up from my dad, so my therapist heard about it).