Young dad confronts his father, says 'I don't like the way you're raising my son.'
When this young dad is annoyed with his father, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for reminding my dad he's not my son's parent?'
I'm 26 now. When I was a freshman in college, me and this older woman hooked up and she got pregnant. There was a lot of drama. My son Matthew was born and her crazy family wanted to adopt him but my dad ended up being the one who adopted him.
My parents (who have been divorced for 20 years) told me that they rather I go back to college and establish myself so I can be the father I needed to be for Matthew. I was still a kid myself.
Maybe I wasn't there every day. Now I'm about to get married and my fiancée loves Matthew as much as I do. We both make good money and just bought a house.
Over the years my dad has started to treat me like I'm just Matthew's older brother. He's 7 and I'm actually a responsible adult. Basically I want Matthew to start living with me and I take charge of him.
My dad is being an ass now about it even going as far as to tell me that I need permission from HIM to spend time with MY son. He's my son regardless of what paperwork my parents made me sign.
A lot of things bother me about how my dad is taking care of my son and my mom sides with him every time. I would do things very differently.
I reminded that my goal is to take him back, my dad said 'that's not going to happen.' I reminded him that he is not his dad and never will be. Then I told him him that I don't even agree with how he's running things and I can do better.
Why should I ask my dad permission to take my kid out with my girlfriend (who is going be his stepmom) but my 19yo brother takes him to the beach without asking?
I also should have a say in things like school and medical stuff. I'm not a teenager anymore.
My dad is 56. He'll be in his 60s when Matthew is a middle schooler.
Basically my dad tricked me into signing those papers. He literally stole my kid from me. What kind of dad does that? He planned it all along.
I don't agree with how my dad is raising him. My dad treats him like a trophy child and is unreasonably controlling.
I am also mad that the reason why Matthew calls my dad 'daddy' is because he thinks my dad is literally his dad and he calls me 'Landon' because I'm his brother. I don't know if Matthew knows I'm his dad. I don't know what my dad told him. What should I do? AITA?
Let's find out.
jazzlikehumor34 writes:
YTA. Your father/parents adopted him. Legally, that makes them parents. Plus, he's seven. He has a home, and a stable life. You don't get to throw that into chaos just because you feel ready now.
What you want doesn't matter, at all. What matters is the best interest of the child. And you've given no reasons why this child's best interest is to leave the only home he's known, and the parents who have cared for him, and live with you.
mynamecouldbeson7 writes:
YTA. If your Dad adopted Matthew, he is Matthew's Dad. He has been Matthew's Dad for 7 years.
If there was a temporary custody arrangement in place saying that when you reach a certain age, you'll take over parental responsibility again then I'll change my ruling, but you said your Dad adopted him, making your Dad his Dad.
You don't get to change your mind 7 years in, because it's now convenient. Unless that was always the agreement.
harveysnake writes:
YTA. You are the sperm donor, not the kid's dad. Your dad is the kid's dad and has been for years. You expecting to waltz into the kid's life and say, 'I'm your dad now' isn't going to work either.
You missed out on 7 years of parent-child bonding and expecting the boy to look at you as a father figure... dude that ship has sailed.