Daughter confronts 'horse-obsessed mother' says, 'mom, you've taken this too far.'
When this woman is upset with her mom, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for calling my mother's horse obsession 'unhealthy'?'
So the agricultural department of our local university bought horses last month, and since then my mother has become obsessed with them.
It started out normal enough. My mother heard about the horses and encouraged the rest of us to go see them. In the first week we went to see them about three times which I found okay, even though I'm not the biggest fan of animals.
This is probably where I should explain that I have an aversion to large creatures. It's not a major phobia but I don't feel comfortable around horses, cows, pigs, large birds (god forbid!) et cetera.
My mother is aware of this, doesn't take it too seriously but usually respects that I don't want to be close to tall living things.
At least until this time. After the first week was over, my mother started going to see the horses regularly (I'm talking once a day or more), mostly on her own but sometimes dragging us along.
She claims to have a 'friendship' with the stable hands which to me just seems forced. She takes vegetables from our kitchen to feed the horses, and the stable hands seem too shy to turn her down.
Whenever my mother has nowhere to go, she visits the horses-- and this is often seeing as she works from home. Whenever it gets quiet at dinner she talks about the horses.
She knows all their names and personalities, and spends so much time standing around the farmhouse looking at them.
About three weeks into this I started getting uneasy and confronted her. I told her politely that we were going to see the horses more often than I liked and would rather spend our time together doing something else.
My mother acknowledged my opinion and promised that we'd make different plans, but a few days passed and it was evident that nothing had changed, she was still bringing up the horses whenever she had the chance.
I confronted her again, this time pointing out the fact that we'd literally been to the farmhouse every day of the week... to which she responded 'Well, we didn't go there yesterday so you're wrong', which was just baffling.
I insisted that I didn't feel comfortable and that I couldn't see any reasoning for this. The conversation went, and eventually I told her that her behavior was obsessive and unhealthy. She responded that she simply found the horses cute and appealing, and didn't see the harm in being close to them.
I guess I could understand that if it were just occasional visits, but every day of the week plus bringing them our food and constantly asking the stable hands for free rides and photographs? Especially when I've already explicitly stated that I don't like large animals?
My mother called my confrontation irritating and impolite. After this happening so many times I've started to wonder if it's really my problem and my mother is just enjoying a hobby that I find unusual. So what do you think, internet? AITA?
Let's find out.
playfulangle writes:
Nah, NTA. I have horses, and I realize that not everyone around me likes or cares about them.
When I'm with my non-horse friends, I often don't even mention my horses unless they ask. You've told your mom that you don't like them and she continues to insist you come.
On another note, I would be ticked off if someone was feeding my horses without my permission because one of mine has a disease that requires low sugar in her diet.
Things like carrots and other vegetables are too high sugar and could cause problems in large quantities. I'm surprised it's even allowed at a university where their presence is likely to do with research. One would think it important to not introduce outside food.
I'd also be curious how she's scamming free rides since that sounds like a pretty major liability.
shortclassroom76 writes:
NTA but you need to stand your ground on this. No means no. If she doesn't like it, too bad. Let her be mad about it.
She will either learn to respect that boundary or you'll learn exactly how selfish and manipulative she is by trying to justify this nonsense as family time. Talk to your dad and tell him that you fully expect for him to tell her no also.
She can go alone. This is next level weird behavior. Is there a stable hand there that she's wanting to see? I can't imagine this is about horses...
proudyogurtconcertn7 writes:
YTA cos I understand horse obsession. But she does need to realise there are boundaries she is crossing. Perhaps the Head of the Ag department could have a chat with her about their expectations if her behaviour is problematic (making horses sick etc). Maybe offer her a volunteer job to help look after them?