Man gets back at sister when she 'uninvites' his autistic child to her wedding.
When this man is upset with his sister, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for not bringing NT daughter to my sister's wedding due to autistic child not being invited?'
My (37m) sister (29f) is getting married in June. I have two daughters one neurotypical (7f) and one high needs nonverbal autistic daughter (5f).
My sister made a rule about her wedding no kids under 5, which I think was a 'polite' way of excluding my disabled child. My wife or myself would have immediately took her outside if she had a meltdown.
As my 6 year old nephew (also neurotypical) just 'made the cut' and gets to go, there's only two other children under 5 in the family no known disabilities yet. I understand her wedding her choice, but I'm not okay with including one of my daughters but not the other.
Problem is my 7 yr old daughter really wanted to go, she's a real 'girly girl' loves pretty dresses, princesses, fairies, and yes brides too. She was excited getting to see her aunt in a bridal gown (the last wedding she went to she was too young to remember).
Since it is my sister I don't feel right missing her wedding so we are going without the girls and my in-laws will watch them that night.
She's upset she doesn't get to go, and my sister says I'm fostering resentment but I think Im teaching my daughter it's not okay to exclude family due to a disability. The way I see it it's my sister who created this situation, not me. AITA?
Let's find out.
dimensiotn587 writes:
I think you’re reading too much into this because you’re sensitive about your kid. It sounds like sis made a pretty (American) standard wedding request for no smaller kids because kids under 5 are notorious for being disruptive which, by your own admission, is likely to happen with your daughter.
I understand that you must feel incredibly defensive on your daughters behalf but your sister isn’t discriminating against your child who you admit is likely to have a meltdown during a very important event she is trying to save everyone- INCLUDING your special needs daughter- from an incredibly uncomfortable afternoon.
YTA- learn to accept boundaries graciously and teach the same to your kids. It’s an essential skill in life.
fromdecatur writes:
Gentle YTA. There's a part of me that strongly agrees with you - people with disabilities should be a part of the fabric of all social life, and the things we do to make that happen usually make all of our lives better in some ways, i.e.
it's nice to have entrances and store aisles easy to use even if they were enforced by the Americans with Disabilities Act, nice that doorknob designs and sink faucets are easier to handle, nice to see some picture-based signage rather than always text too hard to read.
The other part of me is the sibling of someone with a disability, and not one of the cute, charming ones. As a child and into early adulthood I resented him and my parents so much, and spent so much time being angry at the attention and care given him.
The world was unfair to him and them, my parents were unfair to me and I get it and support it now. You're going to be unfair in this situation, so be unfair in favor of your NT daughter and sister over your child with a disability in this instance.
Be unfair without shame and regret - you'll make it up over time. My empathy to you.
ommnian writes:
Sorry, OP, but YTA. Your kids are not a package deal. They will not always be invited to the same things. They will not always be able to go to the same parties or the same events or the same clubs or... anything.
Starting... well, now I guess. Being 'OMGZ! We're not coming, because you didn't invite ALL our kids!' is insane. Being 'OMGZ! YOU can't come because your little sister can't!' is *ALSO* insane. And is only setting your older daughter up for resentment.