Disabled parenting group excludes mom trying to join, says 'this group isn't for you.'
When this parent is annoyed with another parent, they ask Reddit:
'AITA (AWTA) for not letting the mother of a disabled child in our parenting group?'
I am in a group for disabled parents. The group is not for the parents of disabled children. It is for parents who have disabilities. While many of our members have a child/children with disabilities, that is not why they are in the group.
The purpose of the group is to have a support network of other parents with disabilities free of the stigma and condensation disabled people with children so often face.
Last week a woman messaged our group about joining, and we gave her the information for our next meetup. At the meetup, she arrived with her son, who was in a wheelchair.
He was a very sweet boy, and he played well with the other kids. The mother sat on her phone for most of the meetup and didn't participate much in our discussion topic.
During one of our attempts to include her in the conversation, she did mention that she is not disabled in any way.
I mentioned that this group is for disabled parents, and she responded that her son is disabled. That's not really relevant.
We moved on, but at the end of the meetup we told her she couldn't be a member of the group, because it is a support group for parents with disabilities, and she isn't disabled. She was very offended and kept talking about her son.
One of the other members explained that this group isn't for the kids, it's for the parents. There are play groups for disabled kids, but we are not that.
Yes, our meetups are child friendly, but that is for logistic reasons, because childcare is expensive. This group is our safe space, and she is intruding on it.
She told us we were hypocritical c words for excluding her son and left very upset. We feel bad, but also, this isn't a play group, it's a support group. Were we unfair? AITA?
Let's find out.
kevipants writes:
Based on your description, this seems pretty clearly NTA. She didn't participate in the meeting and when told the purpose of the group, she called you all the c-word. Maybe she's stressed and thought she found a group for her kid, but that doesn't excuse her behaviour.
pigeononeandonly writes:
A lot of parents of disabled kids legit believe they are martyrs and that parenting a disabled child is not merely the same experience as being disabled themselves, but actually worse.
Other parents of disabled children reinforce this delusion. That's why she 'doubled down'. I'd bet a lot of money she still doesn't understand why she was kicked out.
justlookbelow writes:
Reddit loves the most cynical take, but it reads to me like she was happy to find a group of kids for her son where he feels comfortable and welcomed. Finding that is not always easy in the best of times, and especially now we're all socially stunted after isolation.
That explains her frustration (doesn't excuse how she expressed it), when she found out they weren't welcome after all. If she didn't react so harshly I'd say NAH.