Man refuses to get a DNA test before wedding, GF says, 'please I'm very paranoid.'
When this man is annoyed with his fiance, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for refusing to take a DNA test to confirm my fiancé and I are not related because I’m uncomfortable?'
So my (27M) fiancé (26F) is adopted. She was adopted at birth and hasn’t had any contact with her birth family.
She read an article a few months ago about a married couple who were both adopted and found out they were biological siblings 6 years into their marriage. Now, she’s worried that might be us, even though I was not adopted.
I’ve explained to her over and over again that my parents have been faithful to each other so there is no way we are siblings. She still wants us to get tested in case there is an uncle or other relative of mine that slept around (she knows her birth mother was a prostitute and our families lived in the same major city).
I think she’s being ridiculous. I don’t want to waste $200 on us getting tested. I don’t want to have my DNA sitting in some database where it can be hacked into. I also don’t want my data sitting on a website where anyone “connected to my tree” can find me. It weirds me out.
I told her I wasn’t comfortable with her getting tested either because who knows what skeletons her biological family has in the closet. I don’t want her to find out she’s related to bad people and then be upset. I also don’t want half of my future kids genetic makeup sitting in some “confidential” corporate database.
I told her all of this, but she still brings it up. I may have crossed a line today when I told her she was being disrespectful of my family by indicating one of them may have abandoned their child. She started crying and left.
She’s not answering any of my phone calls or texts, and her sister is calling me an a**hole for saying mean things about her biological family. As far as I’m concerned, they abandoned her, so they are dead to me and I don’t owe them any respect.
On the other hand, they are genetically related to her, so maybe by proxy I’m calling her a deadbeat too?
I still don’t want either of us to do the test, but I have a feeling this isn’t going to blow over. So, AITA if I continue standing firm and refuse to get tested?
Let's find out.
calminky writes:
YTA… Dude you could just go to your medical provider, explain the situation and have them run a comparison.
It’s really not rocket science and the results don’t need to be stored or skeletons unearthed, but it is an easy way to get the answer your future wife is after and settling her mind.
As to the reasoning for the doc: We are thinking of having children and there is valid concern that we are related. Please have our DNA compared.
smoothlaza8 writes:
YTA. I was going to go with NAH until I read your last stanza. That is plain mean man. You are insulting her birth parents while even she doesn't know much about them.
Her concerns are also more severe than yours. How could she be feeling safe and happy with you with questions like that lurking in her head? This will definitely not blow over. You'd be wiser to give in.
MXBXJ writes:
YTA. My dad was a monster. I know that fear of sleeping with a relative, and it’s horrible.
My FIL was also adopted, so knowing that we both had mystery backgrounds prompted me joining their DNA collector of choice- ESPECIALLY before we have kids. Your outlook on adoption is revolting. Pretending it’s some easy thing? Wow. And on top of it all, your bs reasons on why she can’t do it?
She has valid concerns, and you pretending your family is skeleton free will bite you one day. Break up with her. You don’t take her concerns seriously, and I wonder what other concerns you won’t take seriously in the future.