'AITA for feeding my dog table scraps from a dinner my boyfriend made for us?' UPDATED
"AITA for feeding my dog table scraps from a dinner my boyfriend made for us?"
I(24F) have been dating Jay(28M) for four months. He is handsome, smart, funny, well-educated, has an awesome job, and is a sweetheart.
Sunday he had a whole day planned for us. We were going to walk a nature trail and then go back to his place for dinner he was making. I was so excited because it was going to be the first time I'd be at his house. Since we were hiking he said I could bring my dog Shelby with us.
He made us a roast and some vegetables for dinner. I finished my plate before Jay did and took it to the kitchen. There was still about half the roast left and it was close to Shelby's dinner time so I took half of the half of roast and some still raw vegetables from the fridge to put on a plate for Shelby.
I was carrying the plate to the back door with Shelby to feed her outside and Jay asked me what I was doing. I told him feeding Shelby. Jay said something like 'Well that's not dog food.' Jay knows I mainly feed Shelby a raw diet.
I opened the door to put the plate down for Shelby and Jay got up, took the plate away from her, went to the kitchen and came back with it wrapped up in tinfoil and told me to leave.
His excuse was that he made dinner for me and him, not me, him, and my dog and that I should've asked before I helped myself since he would've used his leftovers. I did leave but not before telling him that he made that meal for us so I could do with some of it as I pleased and he knew damn well how I feed Shelby.
I tried talking to my friend about it later that night but she said Jay was right to be upset but this friend has never really approved of how I treat my own dog so I feel like she was probably a bit biased and the wrong person to ask. AITA for just feeding my dog like I normally would?
OP came back after reading the comments and added these clarifications:
She does NOT get restaurant food daily, I eat out maybe 4 times a month. If what I eat is dog safe or the restaurant makes food for dogs on request, THEN I bring some home for her. Shelby's daily meals are a bit of brown rice, raw vegetables, and ground chicken hearts and beef livers.
The hearts and livers are boiled just enough to kill bacteria and that is all with the approval of Shelby's vet. I asked Jay how he prepared the roast so I could know if it was safe to give her. That's also why I got her fresh, unused vegetables from the fridge.
Let's find out.
[deleted]
INFO. Why didn’t you ask? I’d be hesitant to let dogs have certain things too cause depending on the seasoning and the veggies, there are some things that dogs cannot eat.
throwawayscraps OP responded:
I did ask him how the roast was made when we got back to his place but I didn't know how he had prepared the vegetables which was the main reason I got the raw vegetables from the fridge.
He's seen me order extra portions of vegetables or meat with very specific instructions on our dates for the purpose of my leftovers being given to Shelby so I figured he had to know I would've been giving her some.
INFO: OP are you under the impression a roast and vegetables that have been cooked are somehow still raw?
throwawayscraps OP responded:
No, I am not under the impression it is still raw. Its not raw but its still closer to what she eats on a daily basis. I do not feed her dry dog food- she gets raw most of the time. her daily meal is a small bit of brown rice mixed with raw veggies and ground beef livers and chicken hearts. The livers and hearts are boiled slightly to kill off any bacteria, per vet's instruction.
I asked him how he prepared the roast to make sure it'd be safe for her and got the raw vegetables out of his fridge instead of feeding her the cooked ones.
hewhoisright writes:
Yes, YTA.Your (now ex–) boyfriend made a special meal for you. You took a large hunk of that special meal and gave it to your dog. Not only that, but you did so knowing it would upset your (now ex–) boyfriend. You should have brought dog food to feed Shelby.
You should not have fed Shelby with people food, and you should particularly not have fed your dog with the special dinner your (now ex–) boyfriend prepared for you. It is wholly irrelevant that 'Jay knows [you] mainly feed Shelby a raw diet.'
Also, the title of your post is misleading. Table scraps are what's leftover on your plate after you finish eating. They are not a quarter of the roast your boyfriend prepared.
rdelenix writes:
YTA for feeding your dog a cooked and seasoned roast, OP! There's feeding raw, and then there's feeding something that was seasoned for humans. On top of everything else, don't claim you 'feed raw' and then tell us you are feeding your dog human-seasoned meat and vegetables. Jeez.
ratio99944 writes:
YTA, a quarter of a roast is not 'table scraps'. How is the fact that you mainly feed your dog a raw diet at all relevant? Also holy entitlement batman at 'You made that dinner for me so I can do with it as I please!' - by that logic it would have been perfectly acceptable to flush it down the toilet.
Then OP came back with this update in the same post:
I accept that Im the AH for what I said and did to Jay. Some of these responses were harsh but I see now how and why I was entitled. Thanks to people that responded to the actual issue. Others going on about her diet, thanks for the concern? but I came here to ask about Jay.
Not get into a debate about dog foods. Shelby's been on her diet for 6 years and is a healthy and active puppo, that's all I and my vet need to know. As for Jay, I apologized to him and he did accept my apology but he broke it off. He said it was the last straw for him over me doing things without asking first.
He has talked to me about taking things off his plate or his drink without asking before. I've tried to do better but keep slipping up. I didn't realize I was that bad about it so I'm going to work on myself for the next guy.
For people that said not going to his place for 4 months was a red flag, that was my decision that he respected. I don't want to go to someone's house or them know where I live the first few months of dating and getting to know each other.