When this woman is annoyed with her in-laws, she asks Reddit:
Back in December my husband and I found out we are expecting and we hadn't told anyone up until this past weekend, when we announced it to my family. All of them were super excited. My family is very close to my husband and has been super involved in our lives.
We go on vacation with them every year, see them multiple times throughout the year and they actively check in on us. His family on the other hand is estranged. We see them all once a year (Thanksgiving) and it's very awkward every single time.
The only reason we are invited is because they want help with funding their feast. They don't like my husband and have been telling me to leave him and save myself since I got together with him (he was severely depressed at that time and had no goals- he's much different now but they still hold it against him years later).
It's important to note that we had become pregnant years ago and miscarried. None of his family was excited and when they found out we miscarried they said it was 'for the best'. So this time around I truly don't care if they know. I don't care to tell them. I don't like them as people and I certainly don't like how they treat my husband.
To be quite frank, I could go my entire life keeping my unborn child from them people and sleep soundly at night. They s**t talk my husband to everyone so I guarantee they will do the same to our kid.
So after we told my family my husband said something about 'now we have to figure out how to tell my family' (because we did a special announcement to my family with lots of planning). I said 'how about a FB post.'
He asked why my family got a special announcement but his doesn't and I said 'we can do a special announcement if you want but I don't see the point because they won't be excited and they will not care, just like the first time around.'
I wasn't trying to be dismissive about it but I guess I kind of am in the same sense because his family aren't good people. And as I said, we can make a special announcement for them but I truly think it's a waste of time and effort.
He says he's hurt that I'm so dismissive and maybe a special announcement will help them see he's not the man that he used to be. So he's wants to do it for approval, whereas I think it's a waste. AITA?
OP NTA. If someone told me my miscarriage was 'for the best' I wouldn't do a special announcement either. That's an unforgivable thing to say to somebody
He can do an announcement if he wants, but make him do all the work for it. Plan, schedule, invite, etc etc. He could do the announcement with people important to him that don't constantly belittle him
Slight YTA.....because this isn't about your in laws. This is about your husband and the fact he's proud to be a father and want to announce that to his family in a special way. Just like how you had your moment and felt special he wants the same thing.
The problem isn't you not caring, it's that after he expressed his feelings to you, you look at him and say fine but it's still a waste of time......why would doing something to make your husband happy be a waste of time?
Absolutely. OP likely thinks she's saving him the heartache of them reacting badly or just not caring, but he needs to see it for himself. I recently had an experience seeing a parent after 15 years, who I'd believed to be a good parent and a good person, that crashed and burned.
My heart broke and it super hurt BUT I had to see for myself. My husband had a pretty strong feeling it was going to go this way, and communicated that to me. However, he still funded and joined me on the trip and was supportive the entire time, including in the aftermath of a bit of devastation.
OP, your best bet here is to be honest, optimistic, and supportive. 'I'm worried that because of their treatment of you and of us in the past, this isn't going to go well. They have a history of being hurtful.
However I love you and support you, and we'll do everything we can to make this special and fun. I truly hope it goes well and we can all enjoy this exciting news together, but no matter how they respond please know I'm here for you. '