Woman makes friend's GF uncomfortable when she refuses to leave when asked.
When this woman can't tell if she was a rude, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for refusing to leave my friend's flat even though it disrespected his girlfriend's boundaries?'
I (24f) moved abroad with my boyfriend after graduating university 18 months ago. One of my best friends from uni, Callum (24m) returned to start his PhD and is living in a shared accommodation block.
I was visiting my family back home this weekend and had arranged a day to visit Callum and see my old uni town again, and had then planned to go to the airport from there (as it's way nearer than my hometown haha).
Callum had offered me to crash on a blow up mattress on his floor, and I very happily accepted rather than shell out on a hotel .
When I got to Callum's, he had invited his friends in the block to hang out and I met his new girlfriend Hannah for the first time.
They've been together a few months but we hadn't had the chance to meet yet. I liked her loads at first and thought she and Callum were super sweet together - I've known Callum for ages and I'd never seen him this happy.
When the group started to break up for the evening, she asked me where I was planning on staying for the night. I was surprised that she didn't know and told her what Callum had offered.
She then took me outside and asked me to please stay somewhere else that night as she felt uncomfortable with a female friend staying in his room. I didn't really have anywhere else to go so I said that unless she could help me with a hotel room at this late stage, I couldn't really go anywhere.
She then said that I was disrespecting her boundaries with her boyfriend, and that in any case now she was going to stay with Callum and it would be inappropriate for me to be there.
She lives in the neighbouring block so I asked her why she couldn't just return there, and she said she had the right to decide which women get to share her boyfriend's room, 'especially if it's an old female friend who I don't know if she's had history with him.'
To be clear, there is no history there at all on either side, and I told her this, but she said she had no way of knowing if I was telling the truth.
Again, I refused to leave - we had arranged this ages ago and she couldn't just undo that last minute unilaterally just because she was his girlfriend - and with that I went back inside and we said nothing more on it.
I stayed the night on the blow up mattress and left really early this morning, I'm at work now and just got a text from Callum asking if we can call this evening because he just got a text from Hannah saying that I disrespected her boundaries and that he needs to cut me off.
He's one of my closest friends and I don't want to lose him, so I'm wondering if I should apologise. My boyfriend thinks that this is ridiculous and if anyone needs to apologise, it's her, but at this point I'm not sure. AITA?
Let's find out.
heymallorie writes:
NTA.This was pre arranged and it's not your fault that he didn't tell her/ clear it with her.
She could have offered you her apartment if she wanted to stay with her bf and her room was going to be empty? Also, he could have gone to stay with her if she had such an issue.
It boils down to the fact that he did not communicate this to her-it's not your issue to deal with. Be honest with your friend when he calls, his gf has probably not told him the full story.
betrayedorphan writes:
NTA! Let's take this a step further, the very moment Hannah had her conversation with you you should have immediately called Callum over and included him in the conversation.
Letting him know that there was now a problem because Hannah doesn't feel comfortable with you staying there and you have nowhere else to go.
It's not your fault that he did not communicate with her beforehand. However, a lot of this could have been nipped in the bud if he was forced to deal with it like an adult once it was realized that it was a problem for Hannah.
Then it would definitely look like Hannah is the problem not you. And that is how Hannah is spending it.
coldstreamcapple8 writes:
NTA. You’ve got nothing to apologise for, You didn’t hide anything and were transparent, If Callum didn’t tell Hannah because he knew she would react badly that’s his issue.
It’s a pretty big red flag 🚩 that Hannah is already trying to control who Callum interacts with and if he starts cutting off people she doesn’t like I suspect even his family will soon be on the cut off list.
Hopefully someone will manage to get through to him and Hannah will be sent on her way.