'AITA for not wanting to use my travel fund to pay for my granddaughter’s ice skating?'
"AITA for not wanting to use my travel fund to pay for my granddaughter’s ice skating lessons?"
I (f59) have own child, my son, who is married to Jinger (f34). They have one child together, my beloved granddaughter, Emma, f14.
I’m not extremely wealthy but I’m also not struggling for money. With careful budgeting, I have enouhh money to live off, save for bigger things and pay for some thing for Emma. But I’m far from being able to afford anything I want.
Emma is a smart girl, she’s not very into sports (except for swimming) and she’s really into languages. Because of that, I’m paying for her gym membership (so she can go swimming whenever she wants to) and her language classes (she’s studying 3 languages, it was her decision, not mine).
I also take her shopping occasionally and once she’s gotten older, she’s been going on holidays with me every year. This summer we went travelling to South America for 2 months and I’m currently saving so we can go travelling to Asia next summer. Emma is a very good girl and I absolutely love spending time with her (hopefully, it’s mutual, I haven’t heard otherwise from her).
Emma’s mother and I don’t get along but we are never openly hostile. Emma has a lot of issues with her mother but I made a point of never badmouthing her mother to her, I will listen to Emma and offer support but try j out to undermine Jinger’s authority.
The other day, Jinger visited me without prior notice. She told me all about ice skating lessons (Emma never skated nor has she ever mentioned wanting to skate) and asked me to pay for Emma’s lessons.
I told her I’ll think about this and spoken to Emma. Emma doesn’t want to ice skate, it’s all Jinger’s unfulfilled dreams and apparently is fashionable to do expensive sports amongst Jinger’s friends.
Knowing that Emma doesn’t want to do this, I told Jinger that I will not be paying for lessons. Jinger pushed further and I asked how much they were. Let me tell you, they were expensive with everything included.
I said it was way too much and I couldn’t afford it. She told me to drop the travelling fund, it’s useless and only last a bit but Emma will like her lessons. She said I’m too old to enjoy travel and Emma is too young.
I told her that I spoke with Emma and she doesn’t want to do those lessons. Jinger got really angry and told me to never go behind her back, that it was a surprise for Emma and I ruined it.
She called me an a%$#ole and threatened to not allow Emma to visit me any further and it’s crazy that Emma has got her own room at my house. She called me names and I kicked her out of my house.
Later that day, my son called and was really angry with me and that I should just pay for the lessons. I tried explaining him what’s happened but he wouldn’t listen. Emma called me later crying, saying that her mother forbade her from coming over the weekend to stay with me.
I’m at a loss, was I really in the wrong? I’d hate to not be able to see Emma and I couldn’t forgive myself if I’m the reason she’s not allowed to see me. AITA?
Let's find out.
panicbread writes:
NTA. Even if Emma did want to do it, it’s not your responsibility to pay for it. You already raised your kids and presumably paid for them. It’s her parents’ responsibility to pay for their kids.
NTA. You’re not ever obligated to pay for anything for anyone beyond yourself, period. If her mom wants her in lessons so badly, SHE can pay for them. Not your responsibility in any way to do so, no matter what the relation.
Kooky-Couple-1959 OP responded:
I would try my best to pay for it or at least pay partially if it was something Emma was interested in. But she isn’t. And because of her interest in languages, travelling is really useful. She learning Spanish and she really improved over the summer when she could use it daily on our travels.
[deleted]
NTA but why are you paying for everything? She has parents. Why don't they pay for her skating lessons? They are taking advantage.
Kooky-Couple-1959 OP responded to a few different comments:
I don’t mind paying for things Emma likes and enjoys. I wasn’t asked to pay by or swimming or her language lessons. I offered them because I saw how much she enjoys h them and then Emma asked if I could pay fkr 2 other languages. Which was fine. I pay for traveling because I invited Emma.
Unfortunately, they’ve got some money problems. They’re not struggling but they can’t afford a lot of things at the moment. Jinger likes to live above her means. Keeping up with the Jones’s type. I know she spent a lot of money this summer to go with her friends on girls holidays and they’ve maxed out their cards.
They have money to live but not on anything beyond the basics and she refuses to budget and has been coming to me more and more often for money so she can keep up with appearances.
I’m travelling with Emma. We visited multiple countries last summer, had great time. Jinjer had zero issues with this when I offered to take Emma, paid for everything. As far as I know Jinger really used that time and partied all summer like she was 20 again.