Man ices out dad after he makes 'horrifying jokes' in front of wife and kids.
When this dad is annoyed with his father's behavior, he asks Reddit:
'AITA for Pulling My Wife Out of a Situation with My Dad?'
My dad is the kind of person who, if he were born 60 or 70 years later, would be on TikTok posting videos that end with him going 'It's just a prank, bro!'
He always tells jokes, makes comments, and plays pranks to the amusement of himself and his similarly Boomer friends, but not to anyone else.
Three years ago, my cousin gave birth to her first child, my godson. Since she and her husband were living with us (it's a big house), I used this opportunity to see how my dad might treat my (then-) fiancé once we had kids.
I didn't like it. He started referring to my cousin like she was a maid and called her the kid's nanny. She took it in good humor, but I decided that my dad would have limited contact with mine and my wife's kids.
A few months ago, my wife gave birth to twins (a boy and a girl, we named them Luke and Leia).
We finally got to bring the twins to my parents' house to meet their grandparents, and my dad started on his bullshit again: calling my wife a maid, calling her the twins' nanny, calling me a woman because I did things like change diapers and fed the twins.
When we had a moment alone, I told my wife that we were leaving because I could not tolerate how my dad was treating here, and here is where I might be the asshole. She told me that she could handle it, it wasn't bothering her.
I still went ahead with my decision to leave and I told my dad that if he wanted to see his grandkids ever again, then he'd have to apologize and never pull that bullshit again.
My mom eventually forced him to apologize (she loves being around kids, and the twins are her first grandkids), but it was very insincere and very much an 'I'm sorry you were offended' type of apology. I refused and told him off.
So I need a Reddit opinion: Am I the Asshole for pulling my wife and kids away from their grandparents even though my wife was okay with his jokes and comments?
Let's find out.
screamingsicada writes:
NTA. FINALLY A HUSBAND THAT STANDS UP TO THE SHIT PARENT AND DOESN'T FORCE HIS WIFE TO DEAL WITH IT!! THANK YOU.
Seriously. Just because she CAN handle it, doesn't mean she should. And since it's your dad, it's your place to stand up. Good job. Keep telling him off and changing those diapers.
toomanydogs writes:
NTA. Your dad's an AH and you don't like the way he treats your wife.
Your wife didn't grow up with him as a father so she isn't nearly as sensitive as you are, plus she's a good sport.
It's perfectly okay to limit contact with your father. Try to invite grandma to see your kids outside the family home occasionally (meet at the mall or a local park for instance).
mrfruitfly writes:
NTA. Just because your wife was okay with the jokes (or at least said she could handle them) doesn't mean YOU need to be okay with them.
First, your dad made remarks about you too, so you can just set your own boundaries based on how he was treating you.
Second, you have a daughter, so what is he going to say to her, and how will she absorb his open sexism?
Third, you have a son, so how is he going to be impacted by this 'humor'? What if he sees his grandpa as a hero and starts saying the same type of stuff?
Bottom line, you can be offended- and should be- about what your dad says, and your kids aren't really safe to be around him as they get older, if he thinks what he is saying is okay.
You don't need to act on behalf of your wife though, just be offended and set boundaries based on your own feelings and the respect you think that you, your wife, and people in general deserve.
And I can't help but point out that while your mom might love her grandchildren, she isn't doing anything to stick up for...basic human decency either, so you should be low contact with both of them.