Getting married is a huge milestone for the couple and the whole family. When this woman is caught in the middle of her stepsister and grandpa's battle over his family diamond, she feels torn. Grandpa says he'd rather die than give bride to be stepsis his diamond ring. Take a look at this post that captures wedding family drama at its finest.
Context - I am 25F, my parents have been divorced for 15 years, my dad has been married to his wife Laura for 10 years.
Laura has two daughters, Katie (26F), and Sam (22F). My dad is very close to Katie and Sam and considers them to be daughters to him. The grandfather I am referring to is my dad's father.
My grandfather has a diamond that belonged to my great grandmother, and it's something of a family miracle, since my grandfather managed to find it after WWII. Unfortunately, he lost his mother and sister in the war, so he saved the diamond to be for the next woman in the family (to be set into an engagement ring).
Now, my grandfather has a thing about blood and family, namely if you're not blood, you can be family, but you're not in the family (I am pretty sure this somewhat related to his trauma but it might be a generational thing).
Because of this distinction, his sons were not allowed to use the diamond for their wives' rings because then the diamond would belong to the wife and the wife is not blood. I am his only biological granddaughter, so it was always presumed that the diamond would go to me.
I got engaged last year, and I didn't end up using the diamond for the ring. The diamond was not the colour or cut of the style I wanted, and my grandfather knew that.
He offered to have the diamond recut but I begged him not to because it is very valuable and I know how much it means to him, and he agreed that when I get married he will set it into a necklace to be worn on my wedding day instead.
Now, Katie is going to get engaged soon. My dad is likely to be asked to walk her down the aisle. Laura asked that my grandfather give her the diamond for her ring, since she is basically my father's daughter.
My grandfather said, and I quote, 'not even over my dead body', and that the diamond will stay in the family. That said, Laura, my dad, and Katie are now extremely upset.
My dad suggested maybe I could ask my grandfather to let them use the diamond, since I hadn't used it for a ring anyway, and that he considers Katie part of his family and will be forever, so it should be okay for her to have it, especially since she is older so the 'first' woman as it were.
My grandfather would probably relent if I asked him, but I said no because I would feel too guilty.
That diamond is all my grandfather has left of a family he lost in the most horrific circumstances when he was 9 years old. They don't even have graves, that stone is literally all he has to remember them. What right do any us have to dictate what he does with it?
Katie, Laura, and my dad have all been texting and calling about how hurt they are that I am letting my grandfather exclude Katie from the family, and that I already have a ring, why can't I just help my grandfather soften and let Laura and her kids be part of the family. I'm holding firm on it for now, but should I be?
Exactly. It’s not for a lack of love but respect for a traumatic loss. IF OP did want to argue that marriage equals rights to the diamond, then wouldn’t they need to consider the earlier marriages and give the diamond to a daughter-in-law who joined the family before Laura and OP’s Dad got married?
They need to stop trying to take the diamond from the grandfather.
No, OPs mom is not grandfather's daughter. Based on his wishes, making it into a necklace for OP is the most logical action and if she has a daughter it should go to her. If not she will have to decide where it goes next.
Even if Katie has a girl, it still wouldn't go to her based on her grandfather's wishes as she is not a descendant of the grandfather.
I'm assuming this diamond is the only thing left from the family of a holocaust survivor. Katie and Laura don't have any relation to grandfather and his lost family, and OP significantly doesn't mention if they are even Jewish. If they aren't, demanding this diamond is even more distasteful that it already is. Gross.
NTA op. You're not being greedy if they ever accuse you of that, it wasn't even your style and you begged him not to recut it. You're respecting your grandfather. Keep it up.