Husband tells wife her male OBGYN 'intimidates' him, begs her to switch doctors. AITA?
When this dad-to-be is annoyed with his wife's OBGYN, he asks Reddit:
"AITA for wanting my pregnant wife to see a less intimidating obstetrician?"
My (29M) wife (26F) is pregnant and as such we have been seeing an obstetrician (41M). He is a really imposing guy, both physically (very tall and fit) and in terms of personality. He has had a really hostile and condescending attitude towards me since we first met for apparently no reason.
The first time we were there, my wife was carrying a big purse and, as soon as we went inside, he started questioning me for not carrying it myself and let my pregnant wife do that effort. I was surprised by that and don't like confrontations so I just took the purse myself and apologized to my wife.
The issue is that things have only gotten worse since then. Whenever he has to explain medical things to me, he talks in a really belittling way as if I was a little kid. He acts frustrated and derisive any time I ask something, making me feel like an idiot.
He does not talk like that to my wife and she explains that it is because of her being a nurse and the doctor then knowing she is more knowledgeable than me with that kind of medical stuff. He also calls me by my last name but not in a respectful manner, just in a weird and cold way, while calling my wife 'Lily'.
My wife seems to really like him. He always gives her compliments about how she looks and congratulates her for being so great at everything related to the pregnancy. I told my wife I wanted us to leave him and go to a different doctor but she is refusing.
She says that changing would be stressful to her and that she doesn't have any problem with him. She argues that how she feels should be the only thing that matters because she is the pregnant one but I think that is a little unfair. We have been in conflict about this and it is even harder than an normal argument because the pregnancy makes her so emotional and irrational. AITA?
Let's find out what Redditors had to say.
neelisilverleaf writes:
YTA. It's her body, she gets to choose the doctor. You saying she's 'emotional and irrational' for having this boundary makes me think her doctor thinks poorly of you for a reason.
outrageouslyicon writes:
YTA. It’s amazing you’re calling her emotional and irrational, when you’re literally asking her to make a major medical decision based on your emotions. From your attitude here...
I’m guessing you have a giant ego and feel like you need to assert to the doctor that you know shit, when you don’t, hence him getting irritated with you.But even if that weren’t the case, it’s your wife’s body. Not yours. She gets 100% of the say in who her doctor is. Best of luck to your wife.
yearonetech writes:
YTA. It's fine that you don't like the doctor, but I also feel like it's not really your choice to make. It's your wife who is pregnant, and I think she's absolutely right that finding another doctor is very stressful in the middle of a pregnancy. Good doctors are hard to find to begin with, so if she feels this doctor is good and trusts him, then it's wrong to pressure her to switch.
I also feel like some of your reasoning for wanting to switch is a little weird. If he's not respectful to you, that's one thing. However, you made a point to note how physically fit and imposing he is. That makes it kind of sound like you have ulterior motives or reasons for wanting her to switch doctors.