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Husband thinks wife is lying about 'mental health issues' to get out of housework.

Husband thinks wife is lying about 'mental health issues' to get out of housework.

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When this husband is concerned for his wife, he asks Reddit:

'AITA for telling my wife to stop talking about her “mental health issues”?'

My (M29) wife’s (F28) new hobby is talking about how she has a host of mental conditions including depression, ADHD, OCD, PTSD, and anxiety.

I told her that if she is concerned about having these conditions, we should seriously go to a mental health professional to get her evaluated.

However, she always refuses to go to a doctor because she “doesn’t need someone else’s validation.” I told her it’s not about validation— it’s about finding resources and help to let you live a better life and cope with your struggles.

She still refuses. (I know many people struggle in long lines and waits to get mental health diagnoses, or sometimes are not taken seriously. That’s not the case for us, we have great mental health resources available and clinics nearby, and enough money to afford an evaluation.)

Nowadays, my wife uses her self-diagnosed conditions to get out of her responsibilities.

She recently stopped doing her share of chores because her “ADHD is so distracting” and it just stresses her out too much to fight it. We were making cupcakes for her niece’s birthday, and I frosted them in purple instead of blue while she was in the bathroom.

She made me scrape off the frosting and redo it because apparently it was triggering her OCD, and when I tried to tell her it wasn’t a big deal, she got upset at me for belittling her mental health.

Now, I’ve never accused my wife of lying to take advantage of the situation because I want to give her the doubt. Maybe she genuinely does have something going on, or maybe she just doesn’t understand that mental health disorders aren’t trivial personality traits.

However, we were at a family reunion at my sister’s house, and I was talking with my sister, her husband, and my wife. My sister has struggled with debilitating seasonal affective disorder and seasonal depression since childhood.

I asked her how her new light box therapy was working, and she told me she’s seen some improvements.

My wife jumped in and said that she has seasonal depression too, and all my sister needs to do is drink more caffeine and power through the day, because that’s what worked for her.

My sister kind of uncomfortably laughed her off and said thanks for the suggestion, but I could tell she was a little upset because we were having a serious conversation when my wife jumped in to say that.

My wife got a little pressed and told my sister to not laugh her off and take her seriously if she wants to improve her condition as a fellow survivor.

This comment pissed me off, and I told my wife to please stop talking about her undiagnosed mental health issues in public, because we don’t even have confirmation that she really has seasonal affective disorder.

My wife acted shocked that I said this and stopped talking to me for the rest of the evening. When we got home, she blew up at me for trying to damage her reputation in public and making her seem like a liar. AITA?

Let's find out.

swirylflurry writes:

NTA. Your wife is definitely using those mental health labels to push away responsibilities… which is why it’s even more important that she go see a professional.

Because yeah, let’s absolutely give her the benefit of the doubt and run with the assumption that your wife does have everything she says she struggles with.

If that’s the case, then she needs professional help to figure out how to take ownership of her conditions instead of making other people responsible for managing them for her!

Making you redo cupcakes because it upset her OCD is a prime example of this: she made you responsible for her condition, while she did nothing herself. Same with not doing chores because her ADHD is too bad.

She is making everyone around her (mainly you in these examples) take responsibility for managing her symptoms, instead of getting help and figuring ways to manage them herself.

dakilapkin writes:

Agree NTA. As someone with ADHD, it is sometimes an explanation for why you struggle to complete something but it isn’t an excuse. Did she formerly do chores etc. without issue? Obviously you are paraphrasing, but her ADHD excuse just doesn’t ring true as phrased.

If she didn’t previously struggle with things she now claims to be…I’d guess she’s been watching too much TikTok and likely has some other disorder that makes her think it’s ok to self-diagnose herself with a laundry list of potentially debilitating disorders and offer unsolicited advice to people who are legitimately struggling.

uhwhateverokay writes:

I literally have been formally diagnosed with the entire list at the top of the post. None of it stops me from functioning normally and I don’t use it as an excuse.

Sometimes it’s the reason for certain things I do, but if it has negative effects for others I always apologize, take responsibility, and try not to do it again. Am I perfect? No. But I’m working on it.

OP, your wife might very well have all those things going on. Before I got formally evaluated that was 100% what happened with me- I knew what it was. But even if she DOES have all those things, refusing to get help is unacceptable.

She can’t use it as an excuse to make you do whatever she wants and she absolutely shouldn’t be using it to lecture other people.

Honestly, to me it doesn’t sound like someone with depression or ADHD because a lot of times those come with a whole heaping pile of guilt.

Oh no, my ADHD made me do something that annoyed someone? I’m so awful and I better apologize because if I don’t they’ll hate me and I don’t want them to hate me. For example.

It sounds to me like your wife doesn’t want to deal with the consequences of her choices, and doesn’t want to do anything either. So she weaponized mental health struggles she may or may not even be legitimately facing.

I really hope you can convince her to get tested, but it feels to me like the reason she doesn’t want to is because she wants it as an excuse and doesn’t think formal diagnosis will go the way she wants it to. NTA.

Well, looks like OP is NTA. What do YOU think?

Sources: Reddit
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